A Father's Role in the Family
By Dave Redick
My parents are still together today. Their commitment to one another has gone on to provide a foundation of extended security to my own grown children which, I hope will be passed on to their children.
Introduction
Well-known speaker and author, Charles Swindoll, wrote these poignant words to share his grief when he lost his father in death. He called it simply, "My Dad."
"My dad died last night. He left like he had lived. Quietly. Graciously. With Dignity. Without demands or harsh words or even a frown, he surrendered himself – a tired, frail, humble gentleman – into the waiting arms of his Savior. Death, selfish and cursed enemy of man, won another battle.
"As I stroked the hair from his forehead and kissed him goodbye, a hundred boyhood memories played around in my head. When I learned to ride a bike, he was there. When I wrestled with the multiplication table, his quick wit erased the hassle. When I discovered the adventure of driving a car, he was near, encouraging me. When I got my first job (delivering newspapers) he informed me how to increase my subscriptions and win the prize. It worked! When I mentioned a young woman I had fallen in love with, he pulled me aside and talked straight about being responsible for her welfare and happiness. When I did a hitch in the military, the discipline I had learned from him made the transition easier.
"From him I learned to seine for shrimp. How to gig flounder and catch trout and red fish. How to open oyster shells and fix crab gumbo… and chili.. and popcorn… and make rafts out of old inner tubes and gunny sacks. I was continually amazed at his ability to do things like tie fragile mantles on the old Coleman lantern, keep a fire going in the rain, play the harmonica with his hands behind his back, and keep three strong-willed kids from tearing the house down.
"Last night I realized I had him to thank for my deep love for America. And for knowing how to tenderly care for my wife. And for laughing at impossibilities. And for some of the habits I have picked up, like approaching people with a positive spirit rather than a negative one, staying with a task until it is finished, taking good care of my personal belongings, keeping my shoes shined, speaking up rather than mumbling, respecting authority, and standing alone (if necessary) in support of my personal convictions rather than giving in to more popular opinions. For these things I am deeply indebted to the man who raised me.
"Certain smells and sounds now instantly remind me of my dad. Oyster stew. The ocean breeze. The nostalgic whine of a harmonica. A camping lantern and white gas. Car polish. Fun songs from the 30’s and 40’s. Freshly mowed grass. A shrill whistle from a father to his kids around supper time. And Old Spice aftershave…. Admittedly, much of my dad’s instruction was indirect – by model rather than by explicit statement. I do not recall his overt declarations of love as clearly as I do his demonstrations of it. His life revolved around my mother, the darling and delight of his life. Of that I am sure. When she left over nine years ago, something of him died as well. And so – to her he has been joined and they are together with the Lord. In the closest possible companionship one can imagine.
"In this my sister, my brother, and I find our greatest comfort – they are now forever with the Lord – eternally freed from pain and aging and death. Secure in Jesus Christ our Lord. Absent from the body and at home with Him. And with each other.
"Last night I said goodbye. I’m still trying to believe it. You’d think it would be easy, since his illness has persisted for more than three years. How well I remember the Sunday he suffered that first series of strokes as I was preaching. God granted him several more years to teach us many things we take for granted.
"He leaves in his legacy a well-marked bible I treasure, a series of feelings that I need to deepen my roots, and a thousand memories that comfort me as I replace denial with acceptance and praise.
"I await heaven’s gate opening in the not-too-distant future. So do other Christians, who anxiously await Christ’s return. Most of them anticipate hearing the soft strum of a harp or the sharp, staccato blast of a trumpet.
"Not me. I will hear the nostalgic whine of a harmonica… held in the hands of the man who died last night… or did he? The memories are as fresh as this morning’s sunrise."(1)
Today is father’s day and I want to spend our time speaking to you about a Father's role in the family. Please join me in your bibles at 1 Thessalonians 2:8-12.
"Having thus a fond affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us. For you recall, brethren, our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of you, we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory."
Paul says here that he was as concerned for the Thessalonian church as a father would be for his own children. He used this comparison to help them understand the special affection he had for them, his willingness to give his life for them, his ceaseless exhorting them and encouraging them, and his concern that they walk in a manner worthy of God.
There are many things we could say about the role of fathers. I’ve chosen three of them to put before you in this message.
A father is to provide certain things for his family. He is first to provide:
1. Security.
Early on in our home, once we had become Christians, I remember being told these words by the Christians who taught me: "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
Growing up in my parents’ home, I don’t think that the thought ever crossed my mind that they might divorce. I never saw them fight (though they must have had times when they didn’t agree.) I never experienced the fear that they might leave me. We didn’t have too much, as far as money and material possessions. I can remember my mother shopping at the Salvation Army Thrift Store every Friday for clothes for my sister and me. (They called it the "Sally Anne Shoppe" to help us preserve our dignity.) Only now do I realize that, when compared to many children growing up today in a culture where one of every two marriages ends in divorce, I had a level of security that was very special.
Today I find it easy to trust. I am generally optimistic about the future. I know this world is full of problems, but I am fairly confident against them. Usually I have enough emotional strength left over after dealing with the issues of my own life to help a few others.
I’m not saying these things to call attention to myself. I’m saying them to acknowledge that I owe a debt of gratitude to my parents, and especially today, since it’s Father’s Day, to my Dad. He stayed with my mother and my sister and me. I know that times had to be tough, but he didn’t give up on us. He didn’t chase off after selfish pursuits.
My parents are still together today. Their commitment to one another has gone on to provide a foundation of extended security to my own grown children which, I hope will be passed on to their children.
Fathers, more than any other human on the face of the earth, it depends upon you to provide security to your family. You need to assure them in both word and deed, like Jesus has done for us, that "I will never leave you nor forsake you."(2)
I don’t mean just financial security. I mean the kind of "I’ll-stick-with-you-no-matter-what" security that is constant even in times of financial hardship.
The Bible says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church…"(3) Christ has never abandoned His church, though she has given Him pain at times.
Want to do something constructive for your family today, dads? Go home and tell them, "You have my promise that I will never leave you."
According to the Bible, father’s are responsible for the security of their families.
Considering the role of fathers further, a father is to provide:
2. Teaching.
The responsibility for religious instruction in the home is given to fathers. Ephesians 6: 4 says, "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
When I say that the responsibility for religious instruction lies with fathers, I don’t mean that fathers are the only ones who will ever teach their children. I mean that fathers have the final responsibility for what is taught to their children. A father may do a good amount of teaching himself. He may also delegate some of it to his wife. Most fathers today delegate the academic responsibilities for their children to trained professional school teachers. A number of fathers take advantage of the public and private instruction that comes from the local church in such things as preaching, teaching in classes, and special activities like Vacation Bible School. All of these are good and I’m thankful they were available for this father when he was raising his children. We do need to recognize though, that none of these helps, no matter how effective, free a father from his responsibility for his own children. Dads, you cannot expect the school or the church to raise your kids.
In their book, HEALING THE WOUNDED SPIRIT, John and Paula Stanford make a good point.
"Sunday schools never existed before the eighteenth century. We do not say that they should be discontinued – they need to be strengthened and improved, but parents are not to relegate all teaching to Sunday schools, and thus, abdicate their responsibilities. Sunday schools can be one delegated arm of parental teaching of the mind and soul, but children’s spirits learn more from life than by rote. What children learn in Sunday school and church may have little or great consequence, depending solely on how the personal spirit is nurtured and taught by experiencing life in the home. Hugs teach. Kisses instruct. Discipline forms. Reproof harnesses rampaging energies. Admonition builds checks upon emotions. Instruction forms guidelines and channels for the flow of energies and emotions. Without… early training in the home, Sunday schools merely weave inconsequential doilies over volcanoes…"
Dads, if your children grow up and rebel, don’t blame the church. Don’t blame your wife or the public schools. Each of these can have an effect, yes, but the responsibility is first and foremost, yours.
A study mentioned in Leadership Magazine disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72 percent of their children remain faithful to their profession of faith. If only Dad attends regularly, 55 percent remain faithful. If only Mom attends, 15 percent remain faithful. If neither attends regularly, only 6 percent remain faithful.(4)
If the study is accurate, if responsibility is left solely on the church, your child has only a 6 percent chance of remaining faithful to the Lord. But if you, Dads, take your responsibility seriously and your wife does too, their chances rise to a whopping 72 percent!
Dads, responsibility for the instruction and discipline of the children belong to you. You will be the one who answers to God for their nurture and admonition.
Finally, in considering the role of fathers, a father it to provide:
3. Love.
In the book, PARENTS DESERVE TO KNOW, a contributor provided this description of some homes:
"A home? Why do I need a home? I was born in a hospital, educated in a college, courted in an automobile, and married in a church. I get my food at the delicatessen and restaurant. I spend my mornings at golf, my afternoons at the club, and my evenings dancing or at the movies. When I die, I shall be buried from the undertaker’s. Why do I need a home? All I need is a garage!"
There is one thing a home can provide like nothing else: love. Home should be a place where I am loved – no matter what might happen., no matter how badly I may have messed up. Home is a place of refuge – a place where I know people care about me and I care about them.
In the parable of the Prodigal Son, the younger brother thought he could find what he wanted in life away from home. But when he had lost everything including his dignity, his thoughts returned to his father and his home.
Dads, you have a special opportunity to make your home a place that is a refuge, a place where family members know they will always be safe and loved. It depends greatly on your attitude, though.
You have to work on it. It’s far easier to be a grouch and do nothing but grumble at family members. Family life has its trials, and if you’re not careful, you’ll give in to the kind of grousing around that seems natural to some fathers.
There are trials when children are small. Someone has described a baby as "a digestive apparatus with a loud noise at one end and no responsibility at the other."
A young couple went out to a restaurant to eat dinner. At the entrance the host was asking the customers, "Smoking or non-smoking?" When this couple arrived with their fussing baby, the host quipped, "Screaming or non-screaming?"
There are trials when they are children in the middle years. Dad, Mom, and two boys were about 200 miles into their trip when Dad had finally had enough. "Ever since we left home," he said, "you boys have been picking on each other, yelling names and tearing up the back seat of the car. I’m putting and end to it right now!" He slammed on the brakes, pulled the car off to the side of the road, jerked his sons out and spanked them soundly. "I don’t want to hear another word out of either of you for the next thirty minutes," he shouted. "Not one word!" The two boys sat still and quiet for at least thirty minutes until one meekly said, "Daddy, do you remember when you spanked me? Well, one of my shoes came off…"
Then there are trials when they are teenagers. A teacher, after correcting class papers, remarked to the teenaged student, "I don’t see how one person can make so many mistakes on his homework." The student considered for a moment, then replied, "It wasn’t just one person – my dad helped."
It’s so easy, Dads, to fall into the trap of just being an old grouch who shows up at the end of the day, makes a bunch of noise, then hides himself behind the newspaper or computer monitor! You must not let that happen.
You know, even if you aren’t a father in the biological sense, you can still help fill an important role in a child’s life. In his book, SAY IT WITH LOVE, Howard Hendrix writes,
"Humanly speaking, I might never have been saved if someone hadn’t ‘said it with love’ to me. I was nine years old, a little terror. I was out playing marbles one day, when a man named Walt came along and invited me to Sunday school. There was nothing appealing to me about anything with ‘school’ in it , so he made me another proposition – one I liked a lot better. ‘Wanna play a game of marbles with me?" he asked.
"After he’d wiped me out in a couple of games of marbles, he inquired, ‘Wanna learn how to play this game better?’
"By the time he’d taught me how to play marbles over the next few days, he’d built such a relationship with me that I’d have gone anywhere he suggested. You know what that meant? I ended up in his Sunday school class with a dozen other boys, most of whom he’d magnetized in very much the same way. Of the 13 boys in that class, nine were from broken homes, and five were Roman Catholics. Eleven of those boys ended up in vocational Christian work. Thank God for a man like Walt, who ‘said it with love.’"
Children need the love of a father, but we all know that many of them never get it. If you’re a man with no children of your own, there are plenty out there today who lack what you could provide.
The newspaper columnist, Ann Landers received this rather shocking letter from a person you and I might not consider worth listening to at first:
"Dear Ann Landers: I am writing from behind bars. The charge? A felony- child molesting. Not a pleasant subject, I realize, but this letter is not being written to be pleasant or to gain sympathy.
"You’ve never seen me in the parks or near playgrounds looking for victims. I don’t play ball and I don’t give out candy. I don’t leer at children or stare at them, yet I’ve never lacked for victims. I’ve held several positions of responsibility working with the public. You’ve probably met me and liked me. Your children have learned that I can fix a bike and will talk to them when no one else has time to listen. When Mom was too busy or Dad was too tired, they came to me. I know more about your children’s teachers and their school problems than you because they knew I was interested.
"The two girls I molested can never regain what was taken away from them and I will spend five years in prison. I was molested as a child and feel certain that at least two of my victims will grow up to be molesters. I am sick at heart, but the damage is done and I can’t undo it.
"The next time your child has something to tell you, don’t be too busy to listen. Ask yourself, ‘If I don’t listen, who will?’ ---Signed, Guilty and Ashamed in Monon, IN."
I don’t know the author of this poem, but the message says it well:
Conclusion
Dads, are you providing security for your family? Do you dearly and truly love and cherish your wife, their mother? Do you teach them about the important things of life? Are you committed to them above all others except God Himself? If you aren’t then you haven’t another day to waste.
Dads, do your part. It’s up to you.
Footnotes: User your browser's "Back" button to return to your place
1. Charles R. Swindoll in COME BEFORE WINTER, Multnoma Press,
Portland, OR
2. Hebrews 13:5 NKJV
3. Ephesians 5:25
4. Warren Mueller, Leadership, Vol. 2, no. 3.
Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.
Copyright © 1996-2008 by The Preacher's Study. Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.
All Scripture quotations and references are from the New American Standard Version unless otherwise stated.
[Archive] [Home] [Comments] [Search]