Joseph Series: Pit to Palace #7
The Unhappy Life of a Negative Thinker
Genesis 42:25-43:15
By Dave Redick
Hwy 20 Church of Christ
The crime that self-pity commits against us is this: It robs us of hope - an element of living that is absolutely essential for happiness. Circumstances go against us (or at least we think they do) and we feel bad. From there we play the "Woe is me" tape over and over in our minds until we come to believe that the situation is absolutely hopeless. In many, such hopelessness leads to depression and suicide.
Introduction
A lot of the outcome of life has to do with the attitudes we choose in facing difficulties. So often the issue is not what we face as much as it is the way we choose to face it. Choosing the right perspective can be half the battle in overcoming a problem.
A certain shoe salesman was sent to a remote part of the country. When he arrived, he was dismayed because everyone went around bare-footed. He wired the company back home: "No prospect for sales here. People don't wear shoes." Later another salesman went to the same territory. He too immediately sent word to the home office, but his telegram read, "Great potential! People don't wear shoes here!"
One man's disaster - another man's opportunity…
Our attitude has a great deal to do with the outcome of our lives. It also effects our happiness.
A Peanuts cartoon a few years ago had Lucy, a pessimist in her own right, asking Charlie Brown if he has ever known anyone who is truly happy. Before she can finish her sentence, Snoopy came dancing on tiptoe into the frame, his nose high in the air as only Snoopy can do, his ears straight out to the sides, a beaming smile on his face. He danced his way across two frames of the cartoon strip... Finally, in the last frame, Lucy finishes her sentence: "Have you ever known anybody who was really happy...and was still in his or her right mind?"
If you are one of those kinds of people who can smile at the prospect of selling shoes to people who are used to going bare-foot or dance your way through life with others just shaking their heads, then I may not have much to say this morning that you don’t already know, other than "keep it up." (Perhaps you ought to be teaching me!)
I suspect however, that some of us are a bit more pessimistic than we ought to be, so I think this message will have some relevance.
As we continue our series from the life of Joseph this morning, we're going to talk about Jacob, Joseph’s father. Jacob was the man whom God called Israel. Though he was a great man in Bible history, chosen by God for an important role, it seems that in later life, the old patriarch became much too pessimistic for his own good. The benefit of his story to us is that we can take a look at his mistakes and maybe, if we’re paying attention, avoid the same ones ourselves.
I've called this message, "The Unhappy Life of A Negative Thinker." The reason will become obvious as we look at the story. You'll find the passage in Genesis 42 and 43. I invite you to turn there and follow along.
By the way, this idea that we should strive to think on the positive side rather than the negative is found in the New Testament in Philippians 4:8:
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.
Paul says we should dwell on the positive things. He does not mention the negative things that so often get us down: things that are false, things that are dishonorable, things that are wrong, things that are polluted, things that are ugly, things that are of terrible repute, things that have no excellence, things that are shameful and not praiseworthy. It isn't that we should cease to consider negative things or deny they exist. The issue is what we dwell on – what we most often think about.
May I say up front that I am not a PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) proponent in the sense that it is often presented today. The problem with the world’s PMA assessment is that it leaves God out and in some cases makes man a god. I do however, believe that any true Christian, no matter what his or her state, has great reason to be positive over and against some of the doomsaying negativity that is around us. I also believe that it needs to be pointed out because many of us do not arrive at it without the input of ideas that challenge our natural inclinations.
Joseph, the son of Jacob is Prime Minister of all Egypt as we enter this passage. A famine has hit the whole region and Joseph's eleven brothers who were so hateful to him in his childhood and sold him into slavery were forced to go from their home in Canaan down to Egypt to buy food. By God’s providence they had to stand before Joseph himself to make the purchase. He recognized them, but they didn't recognize him after 23 years. Joseph put some pressure on them to see if they had learned their lesson about sinning against the members of their own family. At first, he accused them of being spies and put them in jail for three days. When he released them he told them to return home and bring their youngest brother, Benjamin, back with them as proof they were telling the truth. He gave them grain to take back home to their families while he kept one of the brothers, Simeon, as a hostage to test their willingness to return. Then, just before they left, he did something else to up the ante.
(Read 42:25-28)
This was Joseph’s way of testing them to see whether they would abandon Simeon. So, they finished the journey home.
(Read v. 29-30)
The "lord of the land" was, of course, Joseph, though they didn't know it yet.
(Read v. 31-34)
That is their explanation. Now watch, because the plot will thicken even more.
(Read v. 35)
That word "dismayed" is the same one that was used back in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve had sinned and were afraid. From the perspective of these brothers of Joseph, they are in a real dilemma. If they go back to Egypt, they will be accused of stealing the money. If they stay home they will have to abandon Simeon.
The next verses are the ones we want to examine very closely. They contain the description of how Jacob responded to all of this. He is the negative thinker we're talking about.
(Read v. 36)
This verse contains a typical response of a chronic negative thinker. Do you recognize the words? They betray four characteristics of chronic negative thinkers. The first is:
I. Self Pity.
Instead of looking at the positive and the good, Jacob looks at the bad and how it effects himself. Instead of saying, "I'm glad that at least the rest of you boys made it back safely – at least we can thank God for that," he says in essence, "Everything and everyone is against me. There's no hope. I give up."
Self-pity is a most common response in those facing difficulty. It is a strong human tendency to feel sorry for ourselves when things haven't gone the way we think they should. After all, nobody else will!
Have you ever had that feeling of hopelessness that everything and everyone is against you? Have you ever wanted to crawl off someplace and die because things weren’t going right? If so you're not alone. Some very high profile Bible characters have come to the same place at times.
Moses, at a difficult time in his life, said to God as recorded in Numbers 11:14-15: "I alone am not able to carry all this people, because it is too burdensome for me. So if Thou art going to deal thus with me, please kill me at once.."
I Kings 19:4 records Elijah saying: "It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers."
Cain was feeling sorry for himself and moping around just before he killed his brother, Abel.
"Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. There is no use. Everything is against me. I might as well give up. I might as well just die." All of these statements are vintage self-pity.
"So, what are you saying, Dave? Are you telling me that I can't feel sorry for myself once in awhile when things go badly?"
What I am saying is this: If you get into the habit of self-pity, you will probably ruin a lot more of your life than bad circumstances ever ruin.
The crime that self-pity commits against us is this: It robs us of hope - an element of living that is absolutely essential for happiness. Circumstances go against us (or at least we think they do) and we feel bad. From there we play the "Woe is me" tape over and over in our minds until we come to believe that the situation is absolutely hopeless. In many, such hopelessness leads to depression and suicide.
Please understand. I'm not so idealistic as to believe that any of us can go through life without getting discouraged. All of us will be tempted to feel a bit of self-pity from time to time. For some though, it's a lifestyle. That is the danger.
A close examination of Jacob's life shows us that for him, it was a habit. Look back with me to Genesis 37:35, the passage that describes his response to the news that Joseph had been killed by a wild beast.
(Read Genesis 37:35)
Notice the Bible writer records that he refused to be comforted. It is good and proper to mourn, but to continue mourning and mourning, refusing all comfort, is a choice of self-pity. Jacob, as we have just seen in chapter 42:36, is still brooding about it 23 years later! It is as though he died the day he got the news of Joseph, and refused to live at all thereafter. I know people like that. I'll bet you do, too.
Step ahead a little ways with me to Genesis 47. In that chapter, Jacob is asked to evaluate his life as he looks back over it. As we read this verse, you tell me whether his insistence upon continuous brooding did him any good.
(Read Genesis 47:9)
"Few and unpleasant?" Would you call 130 years "few?" Would that we lived that long! This is the Patriarch Jacob, the one through whom God would bless the world! This is the one who saw angels ascending and descending from heaven! This is the one to whom God made this promise: "And behold, I am with you, and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I promised." But Jacob is focused on the negative rather than the positive. He has a habit of self-pity. From his perspective his life is miserable
Imagine a person who has a beautiful new automatic 35-mm camera. He takes lots of pictures. When he sends the film in to be developed, he gives the developer these instructions: "Develop negatives only. Do not print." You go over to his house and he invites you to see his photo album. You open it up and here are all these negatives pasted in the book. Not a black and white or color print is among them. Wouldn't you wonder about a person like that?
Yet that is what some people do with their life. The first thing they get back from life is a negative. They take that, paste it in their book, and never print the picture. Then, when they look back at the memories recorded in the photo album of their lives, its all dark. It's all negative! "Woe is me! My years are few and unpleasant." (But that isn’t all of it. They also make the lives of those around them few and unpleasant.")
The wife of a hard-to-please husband was determined to try her best to satisfy him for just one day. "Darling," she asked, "what would you like for breakfast this morning?" He growled, "Coffee and toast, grits and sausage, and two eggs - one scrambled and one fried." She soon had the food on the table and waited for a word of praise. After a quick glance, he exclaimed, "Well I'll be if you didn't scramble the wrong egg!"
A marriage counselor was asking a woman some questions about her disposition and attitude. He asked, "Did you wake up grumpy this morning?" "No," replied the woman. "I just let him sleep."
It can be miserable to live with a negative thinker.
Why isn’t Jacob claiming God’s promises? Why isn't he saying, "Boys, I know it all looks bad now, but I know God is in this somewhere. He promised me He would be. I know He'll come through…."?
He isn't doing it for the same reason that the person who engages in self-pity today isn't doing it: Because the sin of self-pity is actually the sin of unbelief. It is a direct denial of God's promises that "all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose."
Saying in our minds over and over, "Nobody cares. There's nothing I can do. My situation is hopeless. God is unfair with me," is actually disbelief that God will bring the good that He has promised. That, my friends, is what self-pity amounts to. It is unbelief!
No, Jacob, all these things are not against you. God is working in your situation. That's your son back there in Egypt. He's going to save your life. You just haven't seen it yet. Get your eyes up and out of the hole you’re in, man!
The next verses reveal the second characteristic of a negative thinker:
II. Stubborness.
Rueben, the oldest of the sons, tried to persuade his dad that there was still hope by offering a possible solution.
(Read 42:37)
"Come one, Dad. Let us go down to Egypt. We can't just sit here and do nothing!"
(Read v. 38)
"I won't budge and you can't make me!" That’s the stubbornness I’m speaking of.
Many people who engage in the self-pity habit actually refuse to be comforted and refuse to act to bring about any kind of solution. They are stubborn people. "I don't feel good about this and you're not going to make me!"
One thing they never do in their stubborn self-pity is that they never solve problems. To the contrary, they make problems worse. Jacobs’ stubborn response certainly didn't solve the family's continued need for grain. Soon, their supplies ran out and they were hungry again.
(Read 43:1-2)
I don't know what Jacob was thinking about here. Perhaps he was thinking, "Maybe they’ve given up on the demand to take Benjamin." Of course, his refusal to take action had not caused he situation to change. It seldom does. He knew the boys couldn't go back without Benjamin. Judah reminds him of that.
(Read v. 3-5)
Now get ready, because here comes another characteristic of a negative thinker...
III. Blameshifting.
(Read v. 6)
He makes it sound like the brothers connived so as to treat him badly - like they purposely told the man about Benjamin just to cause their father misery.
"You guys planned this. I know you did! You just wanted to make me miserable. You just wanted to take Benjamin from me! That's why you told the man about him."
It is a common characteristic of those who are habitually involved in negative thinking to come up with all kinds of ways to blame others. The worst possible interpretations are put on things. The tiniest oversight is built up into a giant wrong. Once again, it is the focusing on the negatives over and over again until the whole world and everybody in it looks negative. Imagine a person who is so negative, they take their eye glasses, poke out the clear lenses, and substitute the negative film they got back from the developer but never had printed. Now they can see the whole world as a negative and no one can tell them they're wrong.
Of course, the last person ever to receive any blame by such a negative thinker is himself. It’s always the fault of someone else.
That is why it is so difficult to help a person who is a habitual brooder, caught up in self-pity. He puts the blame everywhere except where it will do him good - on his own doorstep. Until the responsibility lands there, he cannot be helped.
In my lifetime I have seen two kinds of people in this context: Those who, when you rebuke them for self pity, repent and get better, and those who get mad and get worse.
Well, the brothers all joined in to let Jacob know that they had no idea that the man was going to order them to bring Benjamin.
(Read v. 7)
By this time Judah is getting just a little fed up with his father's pity party.
(Read v. 8)
You can’t argue a negative thinker out of his position. Sometimes you simply have to tell it like it is.
(Read v. 9)
"If you want someone to blame, blame me. Just let us go and get it over with!"
(Read v. 10)
In the next verses we find the fourth and final characteristic of chronic negative thinkers:
IV. Apathy.
When finally such a one is persuaded that there is nothing else that can be done, he feigns the martyr role. "If you must do it, then go ahead... I'll suffer."
(Read v. 11-14)
"That's OK guys. Go ahead. Pull the trigger. It's all right. I'll suffer, but that's OK."
Do you know anyone like that? Are you like that?
(Read v. 15)
And, of course, the story continues. They return to Egypt, Joseph reveals himself and forgives them, and they and their father move to Egypt to live. We'll stop here.
Conclusion
A certain farmer was having a hard time filling out a railway claim sheet for one of his cows that had expired when it was scooped up by the "cow-catcher" on the front of a steam locomotive. He had filled out most of the claim, but when he came down to the last item on the page which said, "Disposition of the carcass." After a long time of wrinkling his forehead and squinting his he filled in the blank: "Kind and gentle."
I don't think that was what the railroad company had in mind when they put that question on the form, but it is a good question and one we could use to wrap up this message. What is your disposition? Are you fairly optimistic as a result of a habit of following the NT command to "Let your mind think on" the good things happening in your life or are you like Jacob here, collecting negatives, never printing his pictures in color?
Someone has said that a pessimist is one who always builds dungeons in the air. Look at your life. Do you do that?
Are these four characteristics of a negative thinker yours? If so, what are you going to do about it? When are you going to come out of your selfishness and quit making your own life and the lives of those around you miserable?
My friend, my brother, my sister... If I have described you in this message, then you need to repent of your stubborn unbelief and be what God wants you to be.
You say, "What am I supposed to do?"
You can start right now by acknowledging your sin. Then, you can begin learning to live what it says in Philippians 4:8 -
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things."
You have to be aggressive in doing that. It won't happen if you are passive, sitting around waiting for it to happen. You will have to train yourself to look for the good. Especially if your have a lifelong habit of pessimism.
There is a Welsh proverb that reads, "Bad news goes about in clogs, good news in stocking feet." You have to tune your ears to listen for the good. You have to focus your eyes to see it. But it is there. I know it because God has promised it to every believer. It is yours to claim.
Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.
Copyright © 1996-2008 by The Preacher's Study. Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.
All Scripture quotations and references are from the New American Standard Version unless otherwise stated.
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