Mulberry Trees and Mass Murderers
A Sermon on Bitterness
"If you have ever raised asparagus, you will understand that idea of a 'root of bitterness.' You plant asparagus as a root. The first year it just lays there under the surface of the ground and you get the idea that maybe it has disappeared or died. But the second year, it comes springing up and you have your crop. Bitterness can lay seemingly dormant under the surface for months or years and then, suddenly, it springs up and takes over."
Introduction
"I'll never forget the look of white-hot anger mingled with terror that filled Lori's eyes that night," the mother told me. "When she came through the door, all disheveled and distraught, I knew what had happened. Somehow, it seemed like I had known all along that it would.
"You see, it all started when Lori, our only child, and - pardon this from a mother - a lovely child, began dating this fellow. Suddenly, friends who'd never interfered before were stopping by to drop a word of warning. No one gave details, just a lot of vague caution. We tried to dissuade , but our opposition only drove them closer and closer. Then one night their intimacies accelerated, Lori tried to stop it, he grew violent, forced her, dropped her off a block from home and fled town, leaving her guilt ridden, depressed, violated, and pregnant."
"Finally, through his mother, we discovered that he was with his estranged father in another city. They brought him back. He acted repentant enough and asked to see her alone to talk things out. Instead, he became violent again, this time beating her severely before he was restrained.
"Lori was hospitalized with a severe concussion and shock. For days in deep depression, she wanted to die.
"The boy? Two weeks detention, a few interviews with a doctor, and he was free. Now today I learn that he's gotten an acquaintance's daughter pregnant and they're getting married.
"I lie awake at night, burning with anger and bitterness. True, Lori is recovering from it all. The baby's been adopted into a fine home, the social worker says. Lori's going to enter college in another state to get away from it all. But the scars go deep into her soul. The old buoyancy and trust are gone out of her. And when I see it, I feel everything in my own soul turning to hate." (1)
How would you have felt had Lori been your daughter? Or what if she had been your best friend or your sister? Would you be angry? Would you resent what had been done to her? Would you be bitter?
I want to speak to you in this message about bitterness. I want to look at it from a Biblical perspective. I have called the sermon "Mulberry Trees and Mass Murderers." Before I'm finished I believe you'll see the reason why.
Let me ask and answer four questions that will serve to break the subject open:
1.) What is bitterness? 2.)What causes it? 3.) What does it cost? 4.) How do you cope with it?
1. What Is Bitterness?
If you were able to enter into that story I just read to you on an emotional plane, then you probably understand at the gut level what bitterness is. It is what that mother was feeling toward that boy who violated her daughter and got away with it. It is an emotion that every person in this room is capable of under similar circumstances. If you have ever been hurt deeply and unjustly, then you probably won't need any additional defining. You know what I am talking about.
But just in case that isn't enough, let me give you some further definition.
WEBSTER says of bitterness, "Extreme enmity; sharpness; severity of temper; spite; intense hostility."
ROGET'S THESAURUS gives these synonyms: "resentment, rancor, acrimony, sharpness, hard feelings."
Bitterness occurs in all kinds of relationships. It occurs between husbands and wives (the Bible tells us, men, not to be embittered toward our wives). (2) It occurs between parents and children, between fellow employees at work. It even occurs between church members. Anywhere there are people, you will find bitterness from time to time.
One of many biblical examples of it is the case of Herodias over in Mark chapter 6. John the Baptizer had told Herod that it was unlawful for him to have his brother's wife. Herod took note of it because he suspected John was a prophet. But it made Herodius mad. And the more she thought about it, the more angry she became. The resulting bitterness seethed under the surface in Herodius until finally it came out in a murderous plot that cost John his head.
You see, bitterness isn't just anger. It is anger gone sour.
When I lived in California, there was a big Fruitless Mulberry tree in my front yard. Every two years I had to cut it back because it grew so fast it threatened to take over. Each spring, after I had cut it back, the leaves would come back about twice their normal size (they were huge!). That caused such thick foliage that the leaves in the middle of the tree got no sunlight and would turn yellow and drop off at a rate of about 25 or 30 a day. This went on all summer. So a part of my morning ritual was to walk out into the yard and pick up the previous day's leaves. Now for lack of something better to do with those leaves, one summer I just stuffed them into an old 55 gallon drum in the back yard. That fall when I raked and hauled away the leaves from the yard, I forgot that barrel. All winter long it rained and when I finally remembered the barrel of leaves, I didn't have time to do anything about them, so I just put a lid on them. The following summer was hot, as Redding is known to be, and one day my neighbor came over and asked me what the smell was in my back yard. We checked it out and it was that barrel of leaves. It was too heavy to move, so I called my son, Jason, and together we tipped over the barrel. Oh, what a smell! Rotten, rancid, thick, black leaf stew came pouring out of that barrel. My back yard smelled like an open sewer for several days until we got it all cleaned up.
You see, bitterness is like those leaves. It is anger not properly dealt with, stuffed away until it has gone foul and sour.
The Bible warns us about bitterness very clearly in several passages. In Hebrews 12:14-15, we read, "Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no ROOT OF BITTERNESS springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled."
If you have ever raised asparagus, you will understand that idea of a "root of bitterness." You plant asparagus as a root. The first year it just lays there under the surface of the ground and you get the idea that maybe it has disappeared or died. But the second year, it comes springing up and you have your crop. Bitterness can lay seemingly dormant under the surface for months or years and then, suddenly, it springs up and takes over.
Ephesians 4:31 is another passage that warns us of bitterness in the church: "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice..." The kicker is that in the verse immediately preceding this one, we are warned about grieving the Holy Spirit of God. Bitterness among God's people grieves the Spirit.
2. What Causes Bitterness?
I have already mentioned that bitterness is anger gone sour. I can say that for several reasons.
First, anger itself is not sin. It can become sin, but the emotion itself is not sin. The Bible says in Mark 3:5 that Jesus was angry. Yet he never sinned. We read over in Ephesians 4:26, "Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger."
Anger is a necessary emotion. Imagine what our world would be like today if in times past people had not gotten angry enough to throw off oppression or censure evil doers.
Suppose someone grabs my youngest daughter by the hair and begins to drag her away, beating her as he goes. What kind of a father would I be if I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Oh well, I hope she makes it!" No, my God given potential to get angry at that wrong is going to get me up and out of there to help her! And the purpose of my anger will be to stop the evil that is happening.
Those of you who have ever gone on a diet and lost weight, do you not have to finally get angry enough with yourself to say, "I'm going to stick with this thing if it kills me!" Anger is a God given emotion designed to stir us up against problems and do something about them.
There are two ways anger can become sin, however: Blowing up and clamming up. When a person blows up, he or she erupts in uncontrolled emotion and hurts other people by words or actions. (We are not dealing with that sinful use of anger in this message.) When a person clams up, he or she stuffs it away in the barrel and puts off dealing with the issue at hand. That is what Ephesians 4 means when it says, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." We are supposed to deal with the problems that make us angry on a daily basis! And when we don't do that, a deadly progression is triggered in us. It looks like this:
ANGER > RESENTMENT > BITTERNESS > HATRED > RAGE (Internalized or externalized, usually the later)
ANGER is internalized (rather than being dealt with). This triggers RESENTMENT. Our English word "resent" means literally, "to feel again." When we resent we play the wrong over and over again like a continuous loop tape in our minds, reliving and feeling again the hurt caused by the wrong done or perceived. And each time the song plays again, we get more angry. (Haven't you ever heard a person say, "The more I think about it, the madder I get"?) So layer upon layer of anger piles up. But since nothing further is done, it sits there an sours in the barrel with the lid on. It turns bitter. Nobody can live with the foul smell of bitterness in their gut forever. Someone has to be blamed. Ultimately, the decision to HATE is made, and from there any evil is possible.
Time Magazine most vividly told the story of "The Revolt of Leo Held": (3)
There was almost nothing in Leo Held's life that could have presaged the end of it. Held, 40, a burly (6 foot, 200 pounds), balding lab technician at Lockhaven, Pennsylvania, paper mill, had been a School Board member, Boy Scout leader, secretary of a Fire Brigade, church-goer, and affectionate father. Certainly he bickered occasionally with his neighbors, drove too aggressively over the hilly highways between his Loganton home and the mill, and sometimes fretted about the job that he held for 19 years. But to most of his neighbors and co-workers he was a paragon of a responsible, respectable citizen. That image was shattered in a well-planned hour of bloodshed last week when Held decided to mount a one-man revolt against the world he feared and resented. After seeing his wife off to work and their children to school, Held, a proficient marksman, pocketed two pistols, a .45 automatic and a Smith and Wesson .38 and drove his station wagon to the mill. Parking carefully, he gripped a gun in each fist and stalked into the plant. And he started shooting with a calculated frenzy that filled his fellow-worker victims with two and three bullets apiece, at least 30 shots in all... A hastily formed posse found him in his doorway armed and snarling defiance, "Come and get me; I'm not taking any more of their bull."
...Puzzled officials discovered a tenuous chain of logic behind his actions. Mrs. Ram had quit a car pool, complaining of Held's driving; many victims at the paper plant were in authority over him or had been promoted while he had not. Held...had feuded over smoke from burning leaves...Held's stolid surface had massed truculent resentment and rage... Another neighbor...told of a spat over a fallen tree limb that so enraged Held he beat the 71-year old widow with a branch. She took him to court on assault and battery charges, but the magistrate threw out her case and Held's cross complaint...
The caption under a picture of the prostrate wounded killer read, "responsible, respectable - resentful."
Now, that article illustrates several things about bitterness. First, the mechanism. This guy wasn't sick, he was bitter. His behavior was the result of sin. Layer upon layer of unresolved anger turned sour. Second, it models the truth that unresolved bitterness will ultimately come out somewhere. Like the asparagus root, it will lay there dormant to outside viewers for a season, but ultimately it will spring up and defile many. You simply cannot stop it from happening.
That is what is behind the warning in Proverbs 26:23-26. I'm going to read it to you from the Living Bible: "A man with hate in his heart may sound pleasant enough, but don't believe him; for he is cursing you in his heart. Though he pretends to be so kind, his hatred will finally come to light for all to see."
Leo Held was not immune to that pronouncement and neither are you and I if we disregard the Bible's warnings.
3. What Does Bitterness Cost?
The cost is awesome. It effects the life of the embittered person and the lives of everyone around him.
Dr. S.I. McMillen, in his book, NONE OF THESE DISEASES, gives a long list of physical woes of the embittered: Ulcers, high blood pressure, strokes, heart attacks, colitis, goiter, diabetes, arthritis, arteriosclerosis, headaches, kidney disease...
As a medical doctor, he registered this professional opinion: "What a person eats is not as important as the bitter spirit, the hates, the feelings of guilt that eat at him. A dose of baking soda in the stomach will never reach these acids that destroy body, mind, and soul."
Then there is the cost others have to pay. Hebrews 12:15 warned us of that "root of bitterness" that springs up and "causes trouble." That "trouble" can be in a family where children are frustrated by a bitter parent. It can be in a church where, rather than speaking the truth to each other in love, members have retreated into silent resentment over problems that should have been faced squarely and openly YEARS AGO. That silent resentment frequently develops into gossip and slander that, in turn, polarizes people. Many of the shameful church splits of our generation, if the truth were known, would probably better be traced to unresolved bitterness than to doctrinal differences. And the spiritual effects in the wake of such things are terrifying. Hebrews 12:15 warns us, "See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God..." It may be that there are entire churches who have done just that, all the while thinking that they are doctrinally straight as a gun barrel!
4. How Do You Cope With Bitterness?
Actually, I've already given you some of the answer.
A. We need to recognize the problem and call it what it is - SIN. That means, among other things, that the next time someone crosses you and you are boiling on the inside but shrugging it off on the outside saying, "Oh, it's nothin'", you'd better stop and ask yourself if you are telling the truth or stuffing it in the barrel.
B. We need to recognize that since bitterness is anger gone sour, we need to deal with anger before the souring takes place.
Let's deal with bitterness from two angles: bitterness toward others and bitterness from others. How do we deal with it?
BITTERNESS TOWARD OTHERS
The first thing I would offer is this:
a. Speak the truth in love to those around you. (Read Ephesians 4:25 & 15)
When you are wronged, if you can overlook the wrong with no residual emotion, fine. The bible says, "It is a glory to overlook a transgression." (4) It says, "Love covers a multitude of sins." (5) Many of the perceived "wrongs" done to us are petty and when we remember the things God has overlooked in our lives, it only follows that we should be willing to overlook things done against us.
But if a wrong or perceived wrong cannot be overlooked, we must speak up. Matthew 18:15 says, "If your brother sins against you, go, reprove him in private..."
Most bitter people are that way because they have ignored that command. They are cowards. And I must confess, it IS ten times easier to hold a grudge than it is to confront an individual in the short run.
This "going" must be done right away. Remember, "Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the Devil an opportunity." Sure, its hard to do, but putting it off only complicates the situation.
b. Attack problems, not people. (Read Ephesians 4:29).
This says something about the manner of speaking and your objective. The manner is one of building the person up (as opposed to doing what you feel like doing, tearing him down). Your objective is "the need of the moment," which is to solve the problem at hand. So, without a tirade, you must move as quickly as possible to propose solutions to the problem.
(Show "Fred and Wilma" transparency)
c. Understand forgiveness and be ready to ask for it or give it. (Read Ephesians 4:31-32)
What is forgiveness? (I'll have an entire message on it this evening. If you are having trouble with bitterness, plan to be here).
In short, forgiveness isn't forgetting. You and I cannot simply erase our memory banks when wrong has been done to us. And the bigger the wrong, the more you will agree with me.
Forgiveness is a promise that we make never to bring up the issue of blame again to anyone. Not to the person who has wronged us, not to another person, not even to ourselves.
I will back that up from Scripture in tonight's message.
You see, I cannot just forget. My mind doesn't work that way. But I can make a promise to you that I will not bring it up again. If I do that, it gives you the opportunity to rebuild my trust in you. And if I am faithful to my promise, the memory of the wrong done will begin to fade in time because my promise effectively has outlawed resentment. Therefore, I won't continue to replay the wrong in my mind.
(Show HOUSE diagram)
And just in case you might right now be in the gall of bitterness, saying to yourself, "I'll never do that!" remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6:15... "But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive you your transgressions."
But what if they refuse to listen to what I'm saying and won't be reconciled?
(Read Matt. 18:15-18)
This instruction, or course, applies to situations that arise among Christians. You see, God does not wish to tolerate someone who refuses to listen and continues to wrong his or her brethren. The church is ultimately supposed to step in and settle the matter.
But what if the person who has wronged me isn't a Christian and, therefore, won't listen?
(Read Romans 12:17-21)
This is the instruction that we Christians are to follow rather than being bitter toward non-Christian.
BITTERNESS FROM OTHERS
But what if the bitterness is directed toward me? Someone I know is angry with me and I suspect that they are seething with bitterness under the surface.
Just as we have seen that if we are bitter with someone else, we must go to them and get it straight, so too, when we are aware that someone is angry with us, we are go.
(Read Matthew 5:21-24)
These verses again deal with situations arising among Christians. Notice in these verses the picture of escalating anger. Someone is angry with us and they are getting more so by the day. Can we just ignore it? NO! We are commanded to go to them. And notice, that is to be done even before worship! There is an urgency to it. "Leave your offering...go...first be reconciled, THEN present your offering."
You see, God doesn't want loose ends in His church! He doesn't want unresolved anger, resentment, bitterness, and hatred. He doesn't want a house full of bitter worshippers. Neither does he want those who stay at home and avoid worship because of their bitterness. We must Go!
If you are bitter toward someone, if you want to be right with God, you must go to them. If someone is bitter at you, if you want to be right with God, you must go to them.
"But what if they refuse to be reconciled to me?"
Then they are sinning and fall back under the teaching of Matthew 18:15-18. After you have visited with them, then you have taken another, then the church has intervened to determine what is going on, the unrepentant person is to be put out of the church. That is how serious god looks at this problem of anger, resentment, and bitterness!
Conclusion
One of the nice things about living in the 1990's if you live in a hot climate is that you can go down to your nearest 7-11 store on a hot day and, for about $.59, pick up a Big Gulp. That's 32-64 ounces of bladder bursting soft drink of your choice.
I don't know how you do it, but I usually fill those things all the way up to the top. I want to get my money's worth. Have you ever noticed that you can fill them up until they are actually brimming over the top but the surface tension still holds them in the cup? Then you add just one more drop and the surface tension breaks and the liquid goes all over the place? (Now don't tell me you've never done that before!)
That is what happens to a person who is bitter. Someday, someone is going to come along and add one drop too much and the whole thing is going to spill out. Am I describing you?
1. David Augsburger in THE FREEDOM OF FORGIVENESS, p. 25-26. [Back]
Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.
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