A father's relationship with his children really consists of several decades of small but important opportunities. These may be no more than 2 or 3 minutes at a time, often unpredictable and unexpected. My personal opinion is that such teaching is at least equal in importance to the regular "devotional" time where everybody sits down to read a passage of Scripture that may or may not be relevant at the moment.

A few months ago, Les and Debbie shared with me the story of their lost Black Labrador Retriever, Shelby. They were on their way to Bend - that's over the mountain about 90 miles from here for those of you who are not familiar with our area - and somewhere along the way, in the dark, Shelby jumped (or fell) out of the pickup. Les had secured Shelby in the back, as the law requires, by a short chain.  But somehow, in the dark, she had slipped her collar. Les didn't even realize it until they were about 20 miles away from their destination. In the dim street lights of the tiny town of Sisters, he glanced into his rear-view mirror and noticed the limp chain and empty collar. They were horrified! They are really close to their dog.

There was nothing to do but pray and turn around and head back in the remote hope that they might find Shelby somewhere along the 70 miles of sharp highway curves. If you've been over that road though, you know how remote their hope had to be. They had come quite a ways when they took one of the many curves and suddenly, Les glimpsed something in his peripheral vision, just at the edge of the headlight beam. Thinking they should take no chances of missing the dog, they turned around and just as their headlight illuminated the white line once again, there was Shelby, wagging and limping toward them. Needless to say, she was glad to see them! Other than the slight limp, she was no worse for the wear. But of course, given the distance and the rugged terrain of the Cascades, had they not found Shelby when they did, she would never have found her way home and probably wouldn't have survived.

Perhaps the idea of falling out of a pickup and losing the way home is not a bad way to illustrate what has happened to fatherhood in many parts of our nation. While the important role of fatherhood was assumed not too many decades ago, in many homes today, fathers are missing and the situation is desperate.

I clipped the following article from the American Family Journal back in 1994. Though is dated, the trends it refers to are still with us, changed perhaps only in that they are even more pronounced today. I'm reading only part of what is a longer piece.

"For 30 years our culture has been at war with fatherhood. It was claimed that fathers were stifling, emotionally remote, overly strict and ultimately, superfluous. Feminists who see today's challenge as getting fathers to pay child support are missing the point. The great challenge is to return men to the business of being fathers."(1)

Generally speaking, God intends for a home where there are children present to have a father and a mother who are also present. While all of us realize that there are circumstances that can make this difficult or maybe even impossible, and that some single mothers strive admirably for the sake of their children when they are deserted or widowed, nonetheless, the need for fathers in the home is great.

In this message I want to give you three reasons why fathers are desperately needed in the home. Not so long ago reciting such reasons would have been considered an exercise in the obvious. Not so today. We live among a generation of fathers who have lost their way home.

The first reason I say the need for fathers in the home is great is that home is where we learn our:

Ephesians 6:4 says, "And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

God placed the responsibility of instructing children in the matters of the Lord squarely on the shoulders of fathers. A father does this by his own teaching, by seeing that his children have exposure to teaching from God's word from others, and by his own example.

A father's personal teaching of his children can be done at specifically structured times (we often call them "devotions") but I believe a more Biblical model is the one from Deuteronomy 6:6-7 where we read,

As a father and his family go through life together, there are going to be what we can rightly call "teachable moments." "When you sit and when you walk and when you lie down and when you rise up," Moses says in this passage. That means you teach them as you go about your regular functions of life. Do it in the midst of your living.

All of us learn things in formal teaching sessions by reading and listening, but it seems that when we see them in real life, those same lessons are even better learned.

A father's relationship with his children really consists of several decades of small but important opportunities. These may be no more than 2 or 3 minutes at a time, often unpredictable and unexpected. My personal opinion is that such teaching is at least equal in importance to the regular devotional time where everybody sits down to read a passage of Scripture that may or may not be relevant at the moment. This is not to discount the value of such devotional teaching. The discipline of family devotions is excellent. It just shouldn’t stop there.

Then there is the matter of the example of a father. When a young son sees his father attend church and talk openly of the things of God, when he becomes a teenager, he will see the worship and service of God as a manly thing to do. Likewise, if he witnesses his mother and sisters going to church but dad stays home, as is the case in many homes, what is he going to think once he becomes concerned about his manhood? Statistics say he will probably follow his father's example.

Home is where we learn our values and dads are supposed to be God's primary teachers.

Secondly, I say the need for fathers in the home is great because home is where we learn to:

I like Sam Levenson's story about the little boy who was heading off for camp for the first time. In the presence of the camp owner and two counselors, his parents were signing the necessary documents for the boy's admission. Watching all this was his younger brother, who finally looked up with tears in his eyes and asked his father, "Why are we selling Robert?" Of course, Robert wasn't being sold. The little boy had misunderstood the actions going on around him. But he was certainly upset!

Probably no children in America today fear being sold, but I can tell you with certainty that many of them fear being abandoned. When they hear mom and dad fighting and threatening each other with desertion and divorce or worse, what else would we expect them to think? They've seen their friends' parents divorce. How it must strike terror into their little hearts!

If even those of us who are adults need to know that there are certain things in our lives that are stable and secure, how much more pronounced is this need in a child! To grow up thinking that at any moment one or both of your parents are going to abandon you or that your home is going to split up makes it very difficult to learn the very basic concept of trust - or being trustworthy.

Play that out in life. A child grows up unable to trust his or her parents. Then he or she gets married. Of course, a great portion of the intimacy involved in a happy marriage rests on the concept of trust. This lacking, soon another marriage is in trouble and another home breaks up, repeating the destructive cycle.

One of the things you fathers can do if you really want your children to grow up with a healthy view of people, the world, and God, is to assure them from time to time that you are 100% dedicated to them and their mother and that there is no force on the face of this earth that could ever pull you away from your commitment to them. Tell them directly and let them see it in your actions. When you are angry with your wife and your mouth is out of control, get a grip! Shut up, lest you utter words that will destroy their trust.

You Sunday School teachers all know the student who cuts up in class. He or she is the one who is nearly always misbehaving in some way or other. You've tried all kinds of approaches but it doesn't seem to change things. A common (and accurate, I believe) theory to explain such behavior is that the child is misbehaving to gain attention - the wrong kind of attention, granted, but attention nonetheless.

Children want attention because they need to know that they matter. They have a tremendous need to be loved and recognized. They want to know that someone cares about them. A lot of youthful misbehavior originates from children who want someone to pay attention to them.

If you have taught children for awhile, you may also know that if you'll spend some quality time with your young student outside of class, his classroom behavior may straighten up. The reason may be that you have convinced the child that you care.

Actually, all of us have the need to know that someone cares. We really don't relax until we begin to feel secure in that.

Trust and confidence are primary functions taught in the home. Fathers play a key role in that teaching. Of course, God is our ultimate source of trust and confidence. This brings us to the last point I want to make. The need for fathers in the home is great because home is where we learn about:

I'm really glad to see young families here in the church make the effort to be present with small children in Bible School and church services every Sunday morning. I know it takes effort. I've been though it, too. We raised four. There is statistical evidence, however, that shows that such effort pays off later in life when children grow up and continue in the church throughout their adult lives.

Most of you know that once our children were raised, my wife, Kathi, went back to work outside the home. She is currently working at a managed care facility. That facility is beautifully designed, both inside and out, and the staff and residents pride themselves in how nice it looks. It even smells nice. It's also quite fancy as you drive by, especially if you are a child. I know that because one of our young grandsons went there the other day with his mother. As they were walking in under the porch pillars, he looked up at the huge, pretty building and innocently asked, "Mom, does God live here?"

Hey, to him it was big and beautiful and it probably reminded him of something he was taught about God and heaven. Children don't understand everything about God, but what they do understand will make a huge difference in their lives.

Even you mothers who are at that stage where your little ones cause you to spend a lot of time in the nursery are making headway. You may not see it now, but it is happening. Your children are getting used to coming to the building and seeing the smiling faces of the other Christians. It is very likely that their earliest recollections once approaching maturity begins to awaken their understanding will be of life built around the things of God, not life spent away from Him. Don't fall for the myth that little children don't learn. They do! Don't stay at home waiting for your kids to get to an easier stage. Bring them to church!

Dads, since this is your message, you ought to be helping your wife with these things. You ought to be seeing that they come about. Don't leave it only to your children's' mother. Or, if you're a single father, you'll have to do it yourself.

There is some thinking out there that says you mustn't influence your children to accept the things of God or they will reject your teaching. It's false.

There is an old story about Samuel Taylor Coleridge, the great English poet. He was once talking with a man who told him that he didn't believe in giving children any religious instruction. His theory was that the child's mind should not be prejudiced in any direction. Children should be permitted to choose their religious opinions completely for themselves.

Coleridge said nothing, but after a while he asked his visitor if he would like to see his garden. The man said yes, and Coleridge took him out to a place in the garden where only weeds were growing. The man looked at Coleridge in surprise, and said, "Why, this is not a garden! There are nothing here but weeds here!"

"Well, you see," answered Coleridge, "I did not wish to infringe upon the liberty of the garden in any way. I was just giving the garden a chance to express itself and to choose its own direction."

Fathers, home should be where our children first meet God. It takes your dedicated attention, time, and effort.

Of course, children cannot be expected to meet God in a home where faith is not real. Out of our history books comes the story of a Baptist preacher who took in a stray dog that his two boys had become very fond of. It seems that the dog was black as coal except for three very distinctive white hairs in his tail. One day they saw an advertisement in their local newspaper about a lost dog that fit the description of the stray perfectly, including the three white hairs. With the help of his two young boys, the preacher carefully separated the three white hairs and pulled them out. The real owner, hearing that a dog fitting the description of his lost animal had wandered to the preacher's small farm, went looking for his dog. When he came in the dog showed every sign of recognizing his former owner, so the man wanted to take him home.

Quickly the minister spoke up, "Didn't you say the dog had three white hairs on his tail?" The owner unable to find the identifying marks, was forced to leave. Later the preacher would write, "I kept the dog, but lost my boys."

Oh. You might recognize the names of the two boys--Frank and Jesse James!

Home is where we learn our values. It's where we learn to distinguish between right and wrong. The public school can't do it. The culture will no longer do it. Neither can the church if there is no support from the home.

Home is where we learn trust and confidence. Home is where we first meet God. An active, caring, dedicated, loving father is at a pivotal point of importance in such a home.

"A wonderful thing it is for a father to have a child," says the plaque that hangs in one of our men's rooms here at the church building, "But a far more wonderful thing it is for a child to have a father."

Let me say one additional thing to you men who have no children or who have already raised your children. Could you step into the life of a fatherless child and provide some masculine attention, influence, and guidance? Could you be a grandpa or a big brother or a caring uncle to some little boy or some little girl who desperately needs a dad?

Psalm 68:5-6 says that God is "a father to the fatherless" and that He "makes a home for the lonely." If you're a Christian man concerned with being like God, there could be no more relevant way to show it than to provide a child with a substitute father.

Wouldn't it be terrible to lose your home? Dads of America, your families wait desperately for you to come home where you are needed. Come home, Dad. Come home.

Footnotes: Please use your "back" button to return to your place.

1. American Family Journal, 1994

Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.

Copyright © 1996-2008 by The Preacher's Study. Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.

All Scripture quotations and references are from the New American Standard Version unless otherwise stated.

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