David:The Shepherd King, #22
Absalom: Part 2
2 Samuel 13:39-18:33
By Dave Redick
Hwy 20 Church of Christ, Sweet Home, OR

Go home and make it your first item of business to tell your children that you love them. Then tell them again and again. Show them, too, by your actions, even when you must discipline them. Never withhold your love from them. Don't wait, as David did, for the death of your child to realize where you went wrong!

Introduction

There are few things that bring as much emotional pain as rebellion of children against their parents. Yet, the theme is so common today that we have even come to refer to the adolescent years as "the rebellious years." In our last lesson we began to consider the rebellion of the young man, Absalom. The story of Absalom reads like a contemporary account and it has much to say to us, both positively and negatively, about these two subjects. We will continue where we left off last time.

Please turn in your Bible to II Samuel 13.

We will look at four points in this lesson: (1) Absalom's Strained Relationship With His Father (2) His Increasing Popularity In Israel, (3) His Conspiracy To Steal His Father's Throne, (4) His Untimely Death. We'll go first to

I. His Strained Relationship With His Father.

In the last message I described for you what it must have been like during Absalom's growing up years. He was the third born son of Israel's King David. Born into a polygamous home, he grew up in the midst of a house full of bickering, competing wives and rival children. His father, David, was absent from the domestic scene much of the time, so busy with the affairs of state that he had little time for his children.

Absalom had a full blood sister whom he dearly loved. Her name was Tamar. When Absalom was in his twenties Tamar was raped by her older half brother, Amnon. When the news of the crime reached David, he got mad - but did nothing else, though the Law required strict punishment. Absalom vowed secretly that he would kill Amnon for what he had done to Tamar and for two years his hatred smoldered beneath the surface until he finally got his chance. He invited all the king's sons to a sheep shearing party he hosted. He got them all drunk and then ordered his servants to slaughter Amnon, which they did. All the king's sons fled the scene and returned to Jerusalem. Absalom escaped to Geshur, the home of his grandfather where he spent the next 3 years. We left him there in Geshur.

Absalom's relationship with his father as it progressed in the message last time could be summed up in three words: distance - disillusionment - and division. Absalom longed for his father's attention, but what he got was distance. He burned with indignation over the abuse of his sister, Tamar, but what he got was disillusionment when his father swept it under the rug. He took matters into his own hands and what he got was division. The relationship moves on now, sadly, to disgust and ultimately, death.

A lot of commotion can settle down in three years, and with the grieving over Amnon's death complete, David is feeling remorse over the situation with his son, Absalom.

(Read II Samuel 13:39)

But for three years David had done absolutely nothing to bring Absalom back. It is as though David says by his actions, "O.k., boy. "You caused me embarrassment and discomfort, now I'm gonna watch you squirm for awhile." So David did nothing. There is a good chance, too, I believe, that nothing would have been done had it not been for the general of David's army, Joab.

Joab enters the picture in chapter 14 and in a series of events involving a woman from Tekoa, he persuades David to call Absalom back home. We aren't going to read all of it because of our time. I would encourage you to read it on your own since it is quite an interesting account. The conclusion of Joab's plotting to get Absalom back is over in verse 23.

(Read 14:23)

Now, notice the response David gave to his returning son.

(Read v. 24)

That is a little different than the story of the Prodigal Son over in Luke's gospel, isn't it? In that story there was restoration and rejoicing. Here, though, is a father who says, "Sure, he can come back, but I don't want to see him. I don't want anything to do with him. Let him get his own place to live. Let him raise his own family. I don't care if I ever see him again."

Perhaps David, like many parents today, thought he was doing the right thing by withholding his love and approval from Absalom in order to show his disapproval. But as you will soon see, it backfired on him, just like it still does today when a parent tries it.

Parents, it is so easy, when other methods seem to have failed or you just don't want to take the time to discipline your children in love, to resort to withholding your love and approval from your children in order to get them to do what you want. But that kind of treatment is one of the major things that exasperates children and leads to rebellion.

How does it work? Like this: Your child does something wrong and you simply withhold or withdraw your love. You do this by giving the silent treatment or by constant and harsh criticism. You treat your child like his is worthless to you unless he conforms to your wishes. And of course, when your child does right, you hand him your love and approval back. Love becomes conditional, something to be awarded for good behavior and withheld for bad. Of course, you mean it for good. Your intention is not to hurt, but to help. But the manner in which your child takes it is altogether different. He begins to believe that you do not love him. You only love his actions. Repeat this throughout his pre-adolescent years and into adolescence and when the pressures come to do things that his parents would not approve of, and he begins to say in his mind, "Why shouldn't I? They don't love me anyway!"

Actually, quite often, it goes even deeper than that. When a child grows up with conditional love (which is not really love at all), he feels empty and cheated. He longs for the kind of unconditional parental love that God intended for children. He doesn't know why it is, but he knows something is missing. After enough years in that condition, he finally gives up on his parents and will try to find love elsewhere - usually among his peers - and more often than not among those who will take advantage of his weakness. In girls, it is often what causes promiscuity. In boys it can break out in crimes of violence.

Am I discussing a Biblical subject or is this just the latest pop psychology? Brethren, the Biblical subject is none other than agape - the unconditional love that is the central focus of the entire Bible. It is the love that caused Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners. "In this is love," the Apostle John wrote. "Not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." Paul said it this way: "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us..."

Parents, it is right to disapprove of your children's wrong actions. But don't withhold your love from them. Always tell them and show them that you love them. Read I Corinthians. 13 about love and practice it. If you do not, then you will see in your family a reenactment of the kind of thing that happened to David with Absalom. He rebelled.

Go home and make it your first item of business to tell your children that you love them. Then tell them again and again. Show them, too, by your actions, even when you must discipline them. Never withhold your love from them. Don't wait, as David did, for the death of your child to realize where you went wrong!

Well, the curtain of Scripture rises on a different stage now as it brings to center the events in the life of Absalom during all this. What it shows is

II. His Increasing Popularity in Israel.

The Bible account takes on a little color now as it describes Absalom's appearance.

(Read II Samuel 14:25)

Those words "no defect" have to do with Absalom's outward appearance. He had no blemishes, no scars, no deformities, no pimples. He was good looking, and he knew it!

(Read v. 26)

200 shekels is over three pounds! That's a lot of hair! When most men get a haircut, you'd be lucky to get a few ounces.

That word translated "handsome" in verse 25 is the same one that means "beautiful" when it describes a woman. Absalom was a knockout! And quite proud of it, too. He might have been the dreamboat of every Israeli girl in the land, but, alas, he was married. And he had four kids. The next verse describes his family.

(Read v. 27)

Notice what he named his only daughter? Tamar! Remember his sister? He loved that girl! And he never forgot! And he probably still blamed his Dad. And this little girl was every bit as beautiful as her aunt.

Take a good look at Absalom, here. He is just the kind of guy you wouldn't want to take interest in your daughter. Dark hair, muscular build, olive skin, dreamy brown eyes. A real lady killer! But rotten on the inside. Scalded with bitterness, driven by rebellion, selfish, vain. Dad's, talk to your daughters about that kind of man. Teach them to look beyond the dreamy eyes and square jaw. If you don't they're gonna be hurt.

Well, besides bitterness, rebellion, and vanity, something else was growing inside Absalom: conspiracy. We'll look next at

III. His Conspiracy Against His Father.

Remember, things had never been made right between Absalom and his father, though Absalom had returned to Jerusalem. Two years went by without a word traveling between the Palace and Absalom's house. Absalom was treated as though he were dead.

Finally, Absalom could stand it no longer. He sent for David's general, Joab, to take a message to the king. Joab didn't come. He sent again. Joab didn't come. So he set Joab's barley field on fire. Joab came!

Absalom knew how to get attention, the same way as many young men and women today know how to get attention with bazaar acts. " How could a young person do such a thing?" people often ask. Well, remember, Absalom has probably concluded that his father doesn't care about him, so why should he care about others?

(Read 14:31-32)

"I came to Jerusalem to see my Dad and I can't even see him. I'd rather die than keep on living with this silent treatment. If I'm not right with him, why doesn't he just kill me and get it over with!" In a strange sort of way, Absalom is once again reaching out to his father.

Well, he got his father's attention, but still not his heart. I want you to notice the "nice ritual" that David goes through - and also notice that in it is not a trace of forgiveness for Absalom.

(Read v. 33)

The king leaned over and kissed him. That's all. Nothing else was said. Formal nicety - but no love shown, no forgiveness. and absalom knew it! How blind can a father be?

Now, some commentators, especially those of a hundred years ago, make Absalom the guilty party in all this, vindicating David all the way. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't look that way to me. David may have been "the man after God's own heart," but with his son he was a failure.

Something dies inside Absalom between chapters 14 and 15. What had been disillusionment turned to utter disgust toward his father. Hope died. From this point on we see Absalom laying plans to overthrow the kingdom. No more attempts toward reconciliation. No more reaching out.

The plot to overthrow begins to unfold in chapter 15. I wish we had time for it. It is an interesting series of events. Absalom began by doing things designed to discredit his father in the eyes of the people.

The palace in that day was the "Supreme Court" of the land. The king was the "Chief Justice." He would hear the cases that were unresolved in the lower levels of justice. Since David was a busy man, apparently he had a backlog of cases to hear. People had to wait quite awhile to get an audience if they appealed their case.

At that point, enter Absalom. He's waiting at the gate of the city for those coming for judgement from the king.

"Hey! You going to the king for judgement today? Sorry. He won't have time for you. But if I were king, I would have time for you."

Verse 6 of chapter 15 describes the results as word begins to get around.

(Read v. 6)

Absalom did this right under david's nose! And David didn't have the slightest idea it was happening. He was too busy.

Day after day Absalom carried on this propaganda project for four years. During that time he planned his kingdom and began to sit up his cabinet. So cunningly effective was Absalom about this conspiracy that he managed even to steal away David's chief counselor, Ahithophel, and persuade him to turn traitor and join his ranks.

(Read v. 12)

Wait a minute! I smell a rat! Why would Ahithophel, David's most trusted counselor, leave David and come to Absalom? That is a fascinating question. If you check out the genealogical record of II Samuel 11:3 and 23:34, you will find out that Ahithophel was related to none other than Bathsheba. He was her Grandfather. Many years ago, David had taken advantage of Bathsheba, Ahithophel's granddaughter, and violated her. And Ahithophel never forgot.

Absalom is a shrewd man. He knows of the already strained relationship between David and his chief counselor, and he takes full advantage of it. Ahithophel, the Gilonite comes to his side.

And it was a genuine defection. Look at verse 31 of chapter 15. After David became aware of the conspiracy, he was told of the defection.

(Read v. 31)

Well, the conspiracy grew until finally Absalom had enough clout to mount an attack on the palace. Because of the pending invasion of the city, David is forced to flee with his family to avoid slaughter. But he leaves a few members of his household behind. Among the, his concubines.

(Read II Samuel 15:14-16)

So Absalom moved on the Capitol City and took it without even a bowshot. By this time people are leaving David in droves to follow Absalom. David's kingdom is crumbling before his eyes. Absalom now controls the capitol. And Ahithophel is his chief advisor. Look at the first counsel Ahithophel gives. He now has his chance to get back at David..

(Read 16:20-22)

Did you notice where Ahithophel put the tent? On the roof! Do you remember where David sinned with Bathsheba? On the roof! Ahithophel wants to give David a vivid reminder of what he did with Bathsheba...

Question: How could A man like Absalom grow to hate his own father so much that he would do such a thing? Well, we've seen it develop in this lesson. And, look around, it develops between parents and children quite often today as well. Parents, we need to learn the lessons of this portion of Scripture!

I wish this story had a happy ending. It does not. It ends in the tragedy of

IV. Absalom's Untimely Death.

Chapter 18 describes the battle in which Absalom, in a bazaar manner lost his life. The battle between the armies of father and son was raging. All Israel was in turmoil. Joab is David's commander-in-chief. David divides his army into three companies. He puts Joab over one company and two other men over the others. Before they go into battle, David gives one last minute instruction.

(Read 18:5)

You see, David is concerned about this boy. What a pity Absalom never learned of it!

Ironically, it was Absalom's long hair that caused his death. In his vanity he had gone into battle without cutting it.

(Read v. 6-8)

So, with Absalom hanging there in that oak tree, someone in Joab's company comes upon him and runs to tell the General. Joab asks, "Did you kill him?" And he says, "Certainly not! I heard the King's instructions. He said not to."

(Read v. 14-15)

What a sight! Absalom hanging there in blood soaked garments, dead!

In the confusion that followed the blowing of the trumpet rallies Israel and the battle is halted. Word finally gets back to David - the news brought to him by a certain Cushite. David's response has to be one of the saddest passages in the Bible.

(Read v. 32)

In other words, "No, he's dead."

(Read v. 33)

Look at that grief! It is as though all of the memories of the past involving this boy pour in on David at once. And he now realizes what he should have realized sometime before this: That death makes reconciliation impossible.

Did David love Absalom? Yes, he did. Here he states he would have died in his place. Did the boy know of his father's love? That is very doubtful. What a sad story! But not too uncommon, is it? Change the names and times and it is repeated over and over in countless homes across our land.

And, lest we be guilty of not telling the whole story, look back at verse 17 and 18 of this chapter.

(Read v. 17-18)

Though the pile of stones is probably long gone that marked the site of this tragedy, Absalom's monument is still with us today in the pages of Scripture, beckoning to all who will here of the tragedy of a life lived with conditional love.

And just to set the record straight, lest any of us get the wrong idea, let me say this also: Thought his father could be blamed in many ways, Absalom still paid the price for his rebellion. It would be easy to walk away from this lesson thinking that Absalom was not responsible for his wrong. The Bible does not take that position. God avenged Absalom's sin of rebellion in his death. But there would be one sad man in the palace from that day forward, haunted by the memory of how he had failed his boy - longing for another chance that would never come. What a tragedy!

Conclusion

Parents and most especially, Fathers, how are you dealing with your children? Do you punish them in anger, or discipline them in love? Do you withhold your love and approval when they don't do what you want them too, or do they know that no matter what they do and what discipline they receive, it is done because you love them and would die for them if it were necessary? Do you discipline them because that is what they need, or because they have embarrassed you and you are getting back at them?

Do your children know that you love them?

Nearly 20 centuries ago, a rugged locust-eating preacher was sent into a has-been nation that was characterized by poor family relationships. That nation was Israel and the preacher's name was John. Jesus said he was Elijah. He was sent, according to the prophet Malachi, to "restore the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest God come and smite the land with a curse." (Malachi 4:6).

It seems like in many ways the Israel of today, the Church, is also in a has-been status. Could it be that the poor relations between parents and children is the cause? Could it be that we need the same message today? It could be...

Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.

Copyright © 1996-2008 by The Preacher's Study. Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.

All Scripture quotations and references are from the New American Standard Version unless otherwise stated.

[Archive]    [Home]   [Comments]   [Search]

hits since 4/15/98