David:The Shepherd King, #25
Big Enough To Overlook the Offenses of Others
2 Samuel 16:5-14; 19:16-23
By Dave Redick
Hwy 20 Church of Christ, Sweet Home, OR
"How well do you handle criticism? Are you big enough to overlook it, or does it stop you dead in your tracks? When someone assaults your character or your sincerity or your competence (or at least you think they have) how do you deal with it? Do you turn bitter? Do you hate? Do you lash out? Do you throw in the towel and quit?"
Introduction
One of our nation's most popular pastimes is criticism of political leaders. It seems that the higher the office held, the more severe the criticism becomes.
During the Gulf War, President Bush was enjoying approval ratings in the media polls of 90% or better, due to his handling of the war in the Persian Gulf. Within twelve months that rating had plummeted to around 37%, reportedly due to the economy. We are a fickle people when we can take our President from the penthouse to the outhouse in twelve months time!
The Civil War hero, General William F. Sherman, was one of the most sought after people for candidacy for President of the United States in the late 1860's. He was well aware of this tendency toward severe criticism of the highest office of the land. He once wrote, "If forced to choose between the penitentiary and the White House for four years, I would say the penitentiary, thank you." He later wrote to a friend who was trying to convince him to consider candidacy, "In a country like ours, the President is a mere executor of Laws made by others, over which he exercises a doubtful control. He must take things as he finds them, and cannot purify Congress or the Public Administration, though the world holds him responsible for both."
Probably every president has been vilified while in office at some point. Some of them are fairly sharp in dealing with it, too. George Will used to say of President Reagan: "He is the only person I know who can walk into a room, have the ceiling fall on him, and walk out without a fleck of plaster in his hair." Our current President seems no less adept.
If you are going to hold high office in this country, you'd better be big enough to handle criticism. Because as sure as sunrise, it will come.
The need to handle criticism isn't only the realm of presidents. The wife of a hard-to-please husband was determined to try her best to satisfy him for just one day. "Darling," she asked, "what would you like for breakfast this morning?" He growled, "Coffee and toast, grits and sausage, and two eggs - one scrambled and one fried." She soon had the food on the table and waited for a word of praise. After a quick glance, he grumbled, "Well, I'll be if you didn't scramble the wrong egg!" It takes a pretty big person to overlook criticism like that!
I like the way one magazine put it on the inside cover of their publication: "Doctors' mistakes are buried, lawyers' mistakes are imprisoned, accountants' mistakes are fined, dentists' mistakes are pulled, pharmacists' mistakes get sick, plumbers' mistakes get stopped, electricians' mistakes are shocking, carpenters' mistakes are sawdust. But just in case you find any mistakes in this magazine, please remember they were put there for a purpose. We try to offer something for everyone. Some people are always looking for mistakes, and we don't want to disappoint them."
One thing all of us can probably count on is that there will always be critics.
How well do you handle criticism? Are you big enough to overlook it, or does it stop you dead in your tracks? When someone assaults your character or your sincerity or your competence (or at least you think they have) how do you deal with it? Do you turn bitter? Do you hate? Do you lash out? Do you throw in the towel and quit?
You know, one of the characteristics that all people of great accomplishment have in common is the quality of being big enough to handle the criticism of others without taking offense. It doesn't surprise me that the Bible addresses the issue in many places.
For instance, Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." (NIV)
Proverbs 20:3 says, "It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel." (NIV)
Romans 12:17 says, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody." (NIV)
Luke 6:28 says, "...bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (NIV)
I Peter 2:19 says, "For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God." (NIV)
Are you big enough to overlook the offenses and criticisms of others? Do you have a thick skin when it comes to the little barbs that inevitably come whenever people are working together? If you don't then you aren't going to last long in the service of God. Sooner or later, something is going to be said that will shoot you down like an S.A.M. bringing down a Mig.
Let me give you some advice. Develop rhinoceros hide when it comes to the words of others. Don't be so sensitive that a single sentence will cause you to be put out of commission for two weeks. If you are easily offended by the words of others, then you are an easy mark for Satan, and, sooner or later, he will knock you down.
This is especially if you have aspirations to do something special for God, to "boldly go where no one has gone before" in the realm of service to Christ, then you'd better have a good set of deflector shields. You are going to need them. The devil isn't called "the accuser of the brethren" for nothing!
The advice that has been given to me on more than one occasion when I let some barb get under my skin has been this: "If the criticism about you is true, mend your ways! If it isn't, let it roll off and forget about it!" That advice has proven helpful to me when I have remembered to take it to heart.
Let's examine this issue a bit more closely through the life of King David of Israel.
We've come to that part of David's life when he is fleeing the palace ahead of his son, Absalom who has pulled a successful coup d'etat of the throne. Absalom's victory was due primarily, as we have already seen, to the discipline of God on David's life for his sin in the Bathsheba affair. Last time we considered that sad trip from the palace on the way to the wilderness by David's family and loyal supporters. David was a very dejected man, walking barefoot with his head covered in humiliation, leaving all he had lived for behind him. He was miserable, but not mutinous. He was in full submission to God's discipline. His words were, "Let Him do to me as seems good to Him," (1)
That trip from the palace to the wilderness was no picnic, and it got even worse when a man named Shimei suddenly burst on the scene and started throwing rocks and flack. The worst kind of critic is the one who relishes the opportunity to kick you when you're down. Such a one is too much of a coward to criticize you when you are strong. Those of his ilk often prey on people who are hurting. Like creatures who only come out at night, they wait until a dark part of your life to crawl from their safety and bite you. That is what Shimei did. Alexander Whyte called him "A reptile of the royal house of Saul." That description isn't too far off. See if you don't agree.
(Read v. 5-8)
Notice especially the substance of Shimei's accusations. 1) He accused David of being responsible for the death of King Saul, 2) He accused him of usurping Saul's throne, and 3) He says that God had placed Absalom on the throne in his place. Each one of those items was a lie.
David hadn't killed Saul. Saul committed suicide. In fact, David had spared Saul two times when he could have killed him! David hadn't usurped Saul's throne. God had booted Saul out and put David in his place. Absalom wasn't put on the throne by God. He was taking the throne under his own rebellious head of steam.
Isn't it true that the hardest criticism to take is often those ridiculous twisting of the truth? Most of us don't mind criticism if it is true, but we surely can get mad when someone accuses us falsely.
David had nearly died himself in his earlier life because he refused to lift his hand against the Lord's anointed when Saul was on the throne. Now this "reptile of the royal house of Saul" named Shimei crawls out from under a rock and accuses him of just the opposite. That, in conjunction to the fact that David wasn't in exactly his lightest mood might have been enough to cause retaliation in a person of lesser character than David. In fact, there were several in David's company that day who met the qualification of those of lesser character than David. One was Abishai.
(Read v. 9)
Now, believe me, Abishai meant just what he said. He was the kind of man who was likely to say things like, "Don't get mad, get even!"
But notice, That wasn't David's response.
(Read v. 10)
"Chill out, Abishai. Maybe God told this character to curse me. Remember, I am under the discipline of God!"
(Read v. 11-14)
Could you or I have exercised the kind of restraint David used in this situation? Would we rather have listened to someone like Abishai? "Hey, you don't have to put up with a lizard like this no-count, Shimei. If you don't want to take care of him, I would be more than happy to lift his head off his shoulders for you!"
If you are a person trying to live for God, remember that there will always be people around you who lack spiritual discernment who will advise you to get even. "After all," they will say, "you're not a door mat. You have your rights. Nobody should have to put up with people like that!" You'll have your Abishai's.
Let's skip ahead in the story now to the place where David is returning to the palace:
(Please turn to II Samuel 19:16)
By chapter 19, Absalom's takeover of the throne is finished. He is dead, hanging from an oak tree by his long hair with three spears in his heart, murdered against the orders of David by General Joab. David is being brought back to the Palace by the people. The remaining conspirators have either committed suicide or fled. David is about to cross the Jordan river on his way back to Jerusalem. Guess who comes down to meet him. Shimei!
(Read v. 16-23)
That is the restraint and confidence of a great leader. I especially like what he said in verse 22: "For do I not know that I am king over Israel today?" In other words, "I don't have to kill somebody to prove I'm king. I know who I am." David was confident that God had brought him back. Lesser men in their insecurity feel they have to get even with others who have wronged them or they won't be accepted. Not David. He was a gracious man because he served a gracious God.
So, how did David do it? I see four things in David's awareness that helped him and could help us, too, in a similar situation.
I. David Was Conscious of His Own Sin.
Had he spoken out against Shimei, it would have certainly been a case of "the pot calling the kettle black." Here he was under God's discipline for adultery and murder. Was it right for him to take the position of judge over a man who was a reviler? Certainly that would not be justifiable in the sight of God.
You see, those who are the quickest to condemn the sins of others are usually the ones who either don't realize or don't remember the hideous nature of their own sins. As rebellious as Shimei is in this passage, it is neither greater no worse than the sin of David and the sin of every person in this room.
Besides, who here today has not at some point criticized another human being with little concern for the truthfulness of their accusations. Ever criticized the President for something you thought was a dumb move? Read with me, please, the words of Solomon on this:
"Do not take seriously all words that are spoken, lest you hear your servant cursing you, for you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others." (2)
Before you and I get all bent out of shape for the seemingly harsh criticisms of others, we need to remember how many times we have done the same thing to someone else either under our breath, in gossip to someone else, or out loud and thought nothing of it.
Listen to Paul's words in Romans: "And do you suppose this, O man, when you pass judgement upon those who practice such things and do the same yourself, that you will escape the judgement of God?" (3)
David's intense awareness of his own sin and need for God's tolerance of him made him a lot more gracious with people like Shimei. It should be the same with us.
II. David Was Conscious of God's Merciful Nature.
Notice what David said in verse 12:
"Perhaps the Lord will look on my affliction and return good to me instead of his cursing this day."
You see, David realized that mercy is a part of God's nature, that He delights to give mercy to those who submit to Him. He delights in extending mercy to those who, themselves, extend mercy.
When a former mayor of New York befriended a poor, dejected outcast of society, he was reproved by the prosecuting attorney who said, "That tramp's no good. He's getting only what he deserves." Hearing this, the judge interrupted the harsh counselor by asking with a smile, "Did you ever hear of the mother who visited Napoleon on behalf of her condemned son? The emperor told her the young man had committed the same offense twice, and justice demanded the death penalty. 'But Sire,' she pleaded, 'I don't ask for justice--only for mercy.' 'He doesn't deserve it,' said Napoleon. 'No, he doesn't,' she admitted, 'but it would not be mercy if he deserved it.' The man was granted a pardon.
Shimei deserved to lose his head for this, but David knew that mercy at his own expense would get to the heart of God more surely than human justice. He knew what Jesus would teach a thousand years later: "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy." David needed mercy, so he extended it to one who had wronged him and deserved justice.
III. David Was Conscious of God's Hand in this Event.
David knew that things don't just happen for no reason. God is there in everything at some point. The spiritual man will always be aware that there is more going on in incidents like this than meets the human eye. He knows of and gives credence to the unseen spiritual world behind the events.
Perhaps David considered that he might be being tested by God to see how he would react or to see whether his submission to discipline was real or just a surface thing. For sure, he saw Shimei as a part of God's plan in scourging him. He knew that God was in it somehow.
Jeremiah said something in his book of Lamentations that may shed some light on this: "Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?" The idea is that God is in all of it at some point - even when those of Shimei's stripe come with their criticism.
Whatever else it might have been, he knew there was more going on than just a man on a ridge cursing and throwing rocks.
The same is true when you or I are under harsh criticism today. A reptile like Shimei slithers out from under a rock and starts doing his thing. There is more going on than meets the eye. God may be testing us to see how big we really are (or maybe to show us how small we really are.) Are we big enough to overlook the offenses of others? It may depend upon whether or not we recognize the hand of God in the matter.
IV. David Was Conscious of the Greater Issues Involved.
What was at stake here was more than David's insulted pride. The future of the Kingdom of Israel was at stake. The dominant issue was not a lone man on a ridge shouting obscenities. It was a king being driven from his throne and a kingdom at risk. In verse 11, David says, "Behold, my son who came out from me seeks my life; how much more now this Benjamite?" The idea is something like this: "If things are so serious that my own son is cursing me, what is the big deal about this stranger cursing me?"
Those who focus on the greater issues of God's kingdom often find it easier to overlook the petty offenses of others for the sake of the greater cause.
For instance, a person might ignore a personal offense or just absorb it because their real goal is to win that person who offended them to Christ. To get sidetracked on the lesser issue would jeopardize the greater cause. In order to be able to do such a thing, you and I need to be really focused on the real issue of life. The real issue is not whether I manage to right every wrong done to me and dot the "i" and cross the "t" of justice. The real issue is whether I am bound for heaven and how many people I can take with me. If we can accomplish that, the offenses that come against us in the meantime are really very petty.
When Nehemiah was supervising the project to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem after the captivity, he faced great opposition. His critics tried all kinds of things to stop him. They mocked the work, they ridiculed and criticized the project and the builders. Then they tried to get Nehemiah away from the project by side tracking him. They sent a message to him to meet them on the plains of Ono. But to that, Nehemiah said "Oh no!" Listen to his words:
"So I sent messengers to them, saying, 'I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it to come down to you?" (4)
If you and I are conscious of the real issues of the great work God has called us to do, then we will be much less likely to be lured down into the bickering and hard feelings that come when our critics take us to task. Maybe we could memorize Nehemiah's words: "Why should the work stop while I leave it to come down to you?"
The truth of the matter known, so often the issues that are thrown up against us are much smaller than our hurt pride makes them seem anyway.
A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. Naturally, being rather shocked, he asked the farmer where he could get so many. The farmer replied, "There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs. They croak night and day and are about to drive me crazy." Finally, an agreement was made for the farmer to bring in several hundred frogs' legs in the following week. A week later, the farmer returned, looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny, little frogs. He told the proprietor, "I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the whole pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise."
Often those who criticize us are fewer than it seems. In fact, it may just be a couple of old frogs who have nothing better to do that croak at someone anyway.
How do you get big enough to overlook the criticisms and offenses of those old frogs like Shimei, here? Identify with the big cause of God. Nothing else in the world is worth getting sidetracked from that!
If someone manages to sneak one past your awareness of the importance of the job we are supposed to be doing, then take Paul's advice from I Corinthians. The Christians at Corinth were squabbling so as to even bring lawsuits against each other. After telling them that they were ruining their testimony by taking their disputes before unbelievers, he said, "Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?" (5)
Conclusion
Let me wrap this up with the words of former President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who does actually try to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. (6)
May God give you the wisdom and the grace to be big enough to overlook the criticism and slights of those around you! May you be challenged to the greatest cause in the world: Living for Jesus Christ and bringing men and women to Him!
6. Theodore Roosevelt, as quoted by Charles Swindol in COME BEFORE WINTER. [Back]
Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.
Copyright © 1996-2008 by The Preacher's Study. Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.
All Scripture quotations and references are from the New American Standard Version unless otherwise stated.
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