David:The Shepherd King, #8
A Wise Woman Stops an Angry Man
1 Samuel 25:1-42
By Dave Redick
Hwy 20 Church of Christ, Sweet Home, OR
Nabal and Abigail are truly the "odd couple" of the Bible. If ever there were scriptural grounds for divorce based on "incompatibility" (which there aren't, by the way) this would be this case. While it is often true that "opposites attract," probably this marriage was not one of choice, but rather one arranged by the parents of these two in their youth.
Introduction
The following story was forwarded to me off the Internet. Don't try this at home or anywhere else.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, 'You're a jerk!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is Herman with the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!" The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 722-4822.
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camero come flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camero completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed he had a For Sale sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 722-4822 and yelling, "You're a jerk!"(It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial). I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camero lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camero for sale?" "Yes it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front. I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes." "Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem like an obligation. It just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution. First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jerk!" But I didn't hang up. The jerk said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah.." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said, "What's your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camero's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up. Then I called Jerk #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jerk!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll beat you up." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jerk!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from Jerk #2's house. There were two guys fighting out front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away.
A couple of months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of two guys charged with disorderly conduct. As luck would have it, it happened to be the same two guys. I might have influenced the jury, because when they announced the verdict, they said, "We the jury find the defendants to be guilty, and a couple of jerks!"
Why is it that a story like that tickles our funny bone even though we know it would not be right to do such a thing? I suggest to you that we love to see someone receive back the trouble they put on others. We love to see justice done - now!
In our last message from the life of David, we saw that vengeance belongs only to the Lord and we are not to pay back evil for evil to anyone. In a touching story of mercy we saw David, though Saul had pursued him relentlessly and made his life miserable, spare the life of the King in a cave. While he could have killed him, he only cut off the edge of Saul's robe. David provided for us a real life illustration of the teaching of the New Testament that says, "vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
Listening to these stories about David, you could easily get the idea that he was some sort of Super Saint who never made a mistake. Such was not the case, as we are going to see in today's lesson. As we get into chapter 25 of I Samuel, we see the carnal side of David come out in an event where, in a flash of white hot anger, he very nearly committed murder. Had it not been for the intervention of a certain godly woman, that is exactly what would have happened.
Please turn with me to I Samuel 25.
(Read v. 1)
This verse holds a very brief account of a very significant event. The death of Samuel was a great loss for Israel. His faithfulness in the dual role of prophet and judge had provided a hedge for Israel against many of the vices of the day. I would say more, but it isn't within the scope of our study here.
David, who had been holed up at the stronghold of Engedi, moves westward now, into the rugged sheep ranges of Paran and Maon, apparently in search of sustenance for his 600 plus men and their families. It was a land of shepherds and flocks, something that would make David feel quite at home.
(Read v. 2a,b)
Here we are going to find introduced a husband and wife who would respectively bring out the very worst and the very best in David.
(Read v. 3)
You do not find a more mismatched couple in all the Bible than these two. Abigail, the wife, was "intelligent" (a word meaning "of good understanding or wise"), and she was "beautiful in appearance." We shall see as this story unfolds, other words that could be used to describe her might be, "gracious, prudent, loyal, and humble." Her name in Hebrew meant "one who gives joy to her father." When you see her faithfulness in this passage, you'll see why she was named that way.
Nabal, her husband, on the other hand, was "harsh and evil in his dealings." As we get into the story you will see that other words that might describe him would be "self-centered, unreasonable, heartless, and cruel." His name in Hebrew meant "fool," and he lived up to it just as well as his wife lived up to her name. The writer of Scripture adds that Nabal was a "Calebite." He was a descendent of Caleb, the man who, along with Joshua, gave a good report after spying out the promised land before the conquest of Canaan. Caleb also, at age 85, asked to be given the hilly part of Canaan still inhabited by giants. Caleb was one of those hard driving, type "A" personalities who would tackle almost anything with tenacity and determination - the kind who gets things done, but who also tends to be a bit insensitive to those around him if he isn't careful. Ironically, it is often those closest to him whom he hurts the most. Perhaps that characteristic is what is alluded to here, passed on by blood to Nabal.
Nabal and Abigail are truly the "odd couple" of the Bible. If ever there were scriptural grounds for divorce based on "incompatibility" (which there aren't, by the way) this would be this case. While it is often true that "opposites attract," probably this marriage was not one of choice, but rather one arranged by the parents of these two in their youth.
(Read v. 2c & 4)
Sheep shearing time for a herdsman was what payday is to you and me - a time to reap the rewards of a period of labor. In that day it meant that as soon as the job was done, there would be a celebration. A party!
David, who was still camping in the desert at this time in order to evade Saul, had often seen the flocks of Nabal out on the sheep range. He gets word that such a celebration was eminent.
(Read v. 5-8)
David was requesting that Nabal let him and his men join in on some of the celebration.
Now that may sound a bit forward to us, but in their culture it was no more out of the ordinary than tipping a waitress - a little recognition for services rendered. You see, marauding bands of thieves were very common in that day, especially from nearby Philistia, who would regularly raid the threshing floors and the flocks of helpless Israelites. During the time that David was in Carmel, he and his men had protected Nabal's flocks so that he lost nothing. Now, like the bellboy who carries your baggage up to your hotel room, David was waiting for his tip. It was not a written law, but an accepted custom. No doubt by this time David could use it, since, remember, he was still a fugitive. To refuse him in that day was like "stiffing" a diligent waitress. It was an insult.
(Read v. 9-11)
Count the number of "I's" and "my's" in that verse we just read. There are seven of them. Nabal was a self-centered, stingy tightwad!
By the way, we make a mistake if we think we are absolute masters over all that we have and can, therefore, do with it as we please. The Bible teaches the concept of "stewardship," that is, that we are only the caretakers or managers of what actually belongs to God. If you find as many "I's" and "my's" in your vocabulary when you're talking about your possessions as Nabal had here, then you'd better stop and do some soul searching. Stinginess and discipleship cannot coexist.
Oh, boy! David is not going to be happy with this!
(Read v. 12-13)
You don't gird on your sword to go have a gentlemanly chat! You don't summon 400 fighting men to ride down upon a handful of sheepherders unless you are bent on murder! Drop down to verses 21 and 22 and you'll see the reason for the swords.
(Read v. 21-22)
David has snapped! He has lost it! He and his 400 men are going to go down and slaughter Nabal!
Wait a minute! Is this the same David who, just a chapter before this was so patient with Saul in not taking his own vengeance and feeling so guilty about even cutting his robe? Yes it is! Compared to the offense of Saul, this insult by Nabal is small potatoes!
David! What are you doing? You so recently provided us with such a shining example of turning the other cheek and waiting on the Lord and now you are going to blow it over some little indignity?
Oh, there is a lesson here for us! Yesterday's victories over temptation don't assure us of success against today's problems.
Paul put it this way in I Corinthians 10:12 - "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." Experiencing a great victory in an area of struggle is good for us. We have resisted the devil and seen him flee from us. But don't think that he will stay away. He won't! Just like with David here, he may wait until you're run down and edgy and then he will strike again, often with much less force but far greater results than originally. Often at that point he won't have to use saturation bombing on you. He'll more than likely use one or two of his well guided "smart bombs" to try to take you out. Don't drop your guard - ever!
Well, God has promised us a way of escape when we're under temptation, and with David it came through this godly woman, Abigail.
(Read v. 14)
"That sounds like my husband!" I can imagine Abigail thinking. "I'm not surprised." Of course there is no indication that she said that.
(Read v. 15-17)
At this point we need to stop and consider Abigail. Life with a man like Nabal was no bowl of cherries. (Some of you ladies might be silently saying "Amen.") She would know it better than anyone. There must have been times when his unreasonableness and lack of sensitivity wore her down. And if she had it in her heart to dump him, now would be the time. And there would be no on earth who would blame her. All she would have to do would be nothing. And the rationale would be simple: "At last the Lord is delivering me from this fool. And He is doing it as a result of Nabal's own stupidity. What a pity. Oh, well."
But this lady knew that God looked deeper than men look. She knew that such pious participation in the murder of her husband, no matter how he may have mistreated her, would never please God. So, thinking very quickly and wisely, she determined to put herself between this angry man, David, and her foolish husband. She literally put her life on the line.
(Read v. 18)
Wow! That's what you call "fast food!"
(Read v. 19-20))
Suddenly she just comes out on her donkey into the path of 401 angry men! And by this time David is hot!
(Read v. 21-22)
David was ready to murder! He had momentarily lost that spiritual sensitivity he had so recently modeled for us. Anger does that to a person, you know. So often good judgement goes out the window.
(Read v. 23)
And there, face down on the ground, she began to plead for the life of her foolish husband. Would you ladies do that for a rat like Nabal? Would you do it for your husbands? Would you husbands do that for your wives?
I preached a sermon on this passage about a year ago that I called, "How To Live With A Difficult Mate." In it I pointed out that the reason Abigail could do what she was doing here, in spite of the fact that she lived with a man who did not deserve it was threefold: she was first committed to her Maker.. She was a woman of God above all else. She was secondly committed to her marriage. If you are a person of God, you will respect His laws regarding marriage and divorce even when it gets tough. She was thirdly committed to her mate. She could only do this last one because she had decided to commit herself without reserve to the first two. I wonder how much commitment you have to those three?
God expects you and me to keep the commitments we have made in marriage until death. The only exception to that is adultery. Abigail took her stand on that. Have you?
(Read v. 24)
Wow! What a commitment. She takes the blame of her stupid husband on herself.
(Read v. 25)
Notice that Abigail doesn't have on rose colored glasses when she looks at her husband. She knows full well what he is - and isn't. The final answer in living with a difficult mate doesn't lie in denial or fantasy about the truth. It lies squarely in what we have already seen: commitment to God and His laws regarding marriage!
(Read v. 26)
Notice that Abigail brings up the possibility that the Lord was restraining David from doing wrong through her intercession. God sometimes sends people to us to intervene in our path when we are bent on doing evil. Don't ever despise them. You may well be despising God and casting aside His "way of escape!"
Proverbs 25:12 says, "Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear." The moral of the story? When someone reproves you and tries to stop you from doing wrong, don't get mad at them, listen! They may be sent from God!
Next, Abigail offers the gift and then asks for forgiveness.
(Read v. 27-29)
Abigail here is modeling for us the proverb, "A gentle answer turns away wrath," isn't she?
(Read v. 30-31)
This wise woman's reasoning with David goes this way: "Don't do something now David, (namely commit murder) that you are going to regret later when you become King. Don't put a stain on your record that will later cause you trouble." That is good counsel! If we disobey God and take vengeance into our own hands it will come back to haunt us..
O.K. She has made her appeal. Will it be thumbs up or thumbs down? Will David listen as he looks down at her from his panting horse or will he take her out along with her husband?
Remember the Proverb I quoted earlier. Proverbs 25:12 - "Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear." Abigail has proven to be a wise reprover. Does David have a listening ear? Is he listening for God's direction in this? Yes, indeed!
(Read v. 32)
One of the things that made David a man after God's own heart was that he constantly watched for God's dealing in his life. He looked for God's lessons in his circumstances. He maintained a nearly constant spiritual sensitivity that God was working in his life. He recognized here that God had providentially sent Abigail out to stop him this day. Later we will see how David even looked for God in a situation where he was being cursed by a loud mouthed rebel named Shimei. All of us would do well to adopt David's sensitivity in the area of our life circumstances.
(Read v. 33-34)
"Abigail, had you been any slower in getting to me, you would not have stopped me. I was truly intending to murder your husband."
(Read v. 35)
That was the end of David's rage. Stopped dead in his vengeful tracks by a wise woman who was committed to God. What a woman! But the story doesn't end there. There is just a bit more.
(Read v. 36)
What a stupid fool was this Nabal! His faithful wife had just saved his worthless neck while he was home getting drunk! Talk about cause for resentment! Had Abigail been inclined to keep score against her husband, she might well have sent a message back to David to come back and finish what he had started! But, no. Probably like so many nights before this, she retired to her bed alone, without the loving support or gratitude of her husband, in hopes that he might be more reasonable in the morning. That is the kind of thing that causes a wife to pour out her heart to God in anguish!
(Read v. 37)
Some believe that Nabal had some sort of paralyzing stroke or heart attack here. I'm not quite sure, but the next verse makes that question meaningless anyway.
(Read v. 38)
I have a warning for modern day Nabals (Men who take advantage of their wives weaker vessel nature and mistreat them). God will judge you for mistreating your wife! You may be thinking that no one sees, but hear me! God sees. And He will take the vengeance upon you that your wife has not unless you truly repent. He will start by refusing to listen to your prayers. We are told that in I Peter 3:7 - "You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." Don't think that because your wife has patiently put up with you, that you are off Scott free. You will reap what you sow.
God could even take you out like He did Nabal here. But don't think that if that doesn't happen, you have escaped. You still must face judgement. Malachi 2:15 says - "...the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant." God sees every move you make with your wife! That passage in Malachi goes on to imply that God takes away His Spirit from men who deal treacherously with their wives. This is serious business, men! Hear me! Proverbs 29:1 says, "A man who hardens his neck after much reproof will suddenly be broken beyond all remedy." We see it happening in this passage.
(Read v. 39a,b)
Remember? "'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." Here you have a case in point. God takes vengeance upon Nabal for the wrong against David and the wrong against Abigail all in one fell swoop. God will take care of vengeance for you. You need not do it yourself. Indeed, you must not do it yourself!
What happened next must have surprised everybody!
(Read v. 39c)
No, ladies, it doesn't necessarily mean that if you just put up with your husband a little longer, God will get rid of him for you and bring you a David, galloping over the hill to your rescue. It does mean, though, that God can turn a situation around in a matter of a few days when it is time. Trust Him.
(Read v. 40-42)
What a romantic ending! You ladies know what I mean, don't you?
Conclusion
During World War II the U.S. submarine Tang surfaced under the cover of darkness to fire upon a large Japanese convoy off the coast of China. Since previous raids had left the American vessel with only eight torpedoes, the accuracy of every shot was absolutely essential. The first seven missiles were right on target; but when the eighth was launched, it suddenly deviated and headed right back at their own ship. The emergency alarm to submerge rang out, but it was too late. Within a matter of seconds, the U.S. sub received a direct hit and sank almost instantly - destroyed by its own torpedo that had been aimed at someone else.
What was true of that eighth torpedo is true of vengeful anger - it can turn on you and sink you to the bottom. Even after 7 other's are launched successfully. It nearly happened to David. Don't let it happen to you!
Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.
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All Scripture quotations and references are from the New American Standard Version unless otherwise stated.