A View From the Kitchen Window
Proverbs 7:1-27
A Sermon by Alan Walker
Mt. Vernon Church of Christ, Springfield, OR
Text: Proverbs 7:1-27
Tom Eisenman, in his book, "Temptations MEN Face", shares this interesting story:
"My parents took me to a small local circus when I was a young child. It was an exciting, memorable experience for me. I was thrilled by the men and women on the flying trapeze, the high wire act, the clowns, the wild animals, the glitter of the costumes and the bright colored lights. We ate snow cones. I had never had one before. The smell of popcorn and the sound of the ringmaster's voice live in my memory.
Not too many years ago Judie and I took our small children to a local circus in Minnesota. The experience was very different for me as an adult. I watched my kids. They were absolutely taken by the same glitter and excitement that had captivated me when I was their age. This time I watched them react and compared what they were seeing to what I saw.
They were completely unaware of the seedy side of the cheap circus that made a negative impression on me. They missed the large, gaping holes in the nylons of the women performers. They didn't see the emptiness on the faces of the circus men and women who looked to me a little desperate, as if imprisoned by a bad set of circumstances in this third rate organization. My children overlooked the broken down, patched up equipment, the smell of the dung on the filthy animals, the fact that the snow cones were all ice with only a trickle of watery coloring poured over them. They loved it. I was glad for them..."
Some things just look so g-o-o-d! They promise such exciting rewards...
I. One Quiet Evening From the Kitchen Window...
A word about Proverbs...
Proverbs is an inspired record of general sayings. The purpose of Proverbs is found in the first six verses of chapter one.
To know wisdom and instruction. To receive instructions in wise behavior. Proverbs simply put, is full of wisdom that needs to be transferred from these pages into our lives.
Chapter seven begins in the kitchen.
There Solomon observes a group of young men doing whatever it is they were doing down on the street.
Laughing, swapping stories, telling jokes, or playing a game.
Solomon had a keen eye. In this group of ordinary young men, he noticed one who stood out....
One who was "lacking sense."
Perhaps he is "lacking sense" because he separates himself from the rest of the "youths" and begins his solo journey to destruction.
For he begins to make his way to her house.
First he just passes the street near her corner....just sorta going by the place. There's no harm it that...is there?
Then he takes the steps to her house! I wonder how many times Solomon watched this young man walk around her block...before he began the walk to her house?
What caused him to walk toward her house...what was he thinking? Was it a thirst for adventure, seeking some new untried experience? Had there been a dare? Whatever the case....whatever the cause...he began his final walk down the street as a moral young man with integrity.
Solomon probably saw her, even before the young man...
For she saw him coming. Perhaps she too had counted the times he had walked around her street before walking toward her home. She was ready....I'm afraid he wasn't....at least not for what was about to transpire.
She came toward him...dressed as a harlot. I take this to mean that she was dressed unlike other women...i.e., seductively. Dressed in such a way as to arouse the emotions of a young man.
Proverbs 7:10 from two other graphic translations:
TLB - "She approached him, saucy and pert, and dressed seductively." NIV - "Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent."
This young man was lacking sense. Yet, somehow I feel sorry for him. He is no match for this woman. She knew what she was after, and she knew how defenseless this young man away from his friends would be....
She's different from women he has been around most of his life:
She's loud and rebellious... She's not at home... She lurks by every corner - stalking her prey.
Was it his first kiss? I don't know. I'm sure it is one he would never forget. She seizes him and plants one right on his very young lips....
First the kiss - then the lie. My, what a flattering lie it is....goes right to the heart of the male ego...
Verse 15: I have been waiting just for you...and I've found you.
Her lie sounds a lot like...I'm special, she's waited just for me...I mean something to her....wow! A word to all of us who are parents. If our children do not receive adequate affirmation in our homes, they will be susceptible to receiving it from someone else....believe it or else!
His ego flattered....his emotions running high...she takes the next step. [Verse 16-23]
You may not be prepared for what I have in mind, but I am prepared....my room is ready.
Come with me, let's drink our fill of love until morning. Let us delight ourselves with the promise of pleasure.
Perhaps there was a brief moment of doubt in his eye, as he realizes what she has in mind...and what this might cost him...
She responds quickly... [Verse 20]
The man is not at home - her husband. He's away on business for about a month.
It's almost as if you can see this young man trying to make a decision...standing first on one foot and then another...wheels turning...all sorts of rationalization going on in his mind.....What do I do?
Again she counters...
She entices him with her many persuasion. Body language. More flattery...seductive talk
Emotions running high....the right words, the right body language, the right promises....
Solomon watches him follow her as an ox to the slaughter house. As a bird hastens to the snare. As the arrow in the bow is aimed at his liver...he goes.
He goes....but he is so unaware of what this will cost him.
He will be a different person tomorrow. He will understand guilt like never before. Fear will have new meaning as he wonders who might have seen him, and who might she tell.
He will understand remorse and regret. They will be more than just words. He may cry tomorrow, but tears, no matter how many, will not erase from his soul, his memory, or his integrity, the wrong that seemed so right yesterday.
He will wish so many different things. He will promise God so many different things. And he may spend the rest of his life trying to make up for the night of indiscretion...
II. The Current View From the Kitchen...
As I look from the "kitchen window", I would rather close the window, pull the shades, ignore the problem, not talk about it because it is sensitive and someone might be embarrassed, and tell myself...it will never happen to me, my sons, or anyone I know...However, I am not an Ostrich.
We live in a nation, that has lost it's moral fiber.
F. J. Sheen has said, "Sex has become one of the most discussed subjects of modern times. The Victorians pretended it did not exist; the moderns pretend that nothing else exists."
The names Bakker and Swaggart no longer hold integrity within the religious community. Tyson may be innocent but many do not believe it. The name MAGIC, is no longer as Magic as it once was.
Our young people have been exploited in our schools, via the media, by soft-core porn movies many families rent and call family entertainment.
Our young people have been exploited by Church leaders, Christian marriages, other Christian young people who have gone to the harlot in either pre-marital or extra-marital sex.
Finally, our youth have been exploited by parents who think if we never talk about it, never allow them to go to a movie, and never have a T.V., then they will not be faced with the temptation.
May God open our eyes before it is too late! There are some things we cannot protect our children from, but must educate them about!
Probably even Solomon wasn't wise enough to see what we would be facing today... [
Here are four observations:
#1. Age is not a factor when it comes to lacking moral sense.
From youth lacking sense, to grand-parents old enough to know better...are finding themselves in the tangled web of the harlot.
Some horrifying stats....
Reiss and Thompson indicate that 40 to 50% of all married men have extra-marital affairs. Nearly 70% of all married men expect to have an extra-marital affair.
Nass and Libby have predicted that one-half to two-thirds of all husbands will have an affair before they are forty.
Christianity Today from a random sample of thousands of subscribers report that 45% have acted inappropriately and 23% have been involved in extra-marital relations.
If the statistics are this high among readers of Christianity Today, then how much higher must they be in the general Christian population. They may be no different statistically than that of the world.
Perhaps Don Herold was correct when he stated, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to conceive".
#2. The Aggressive party is often the male.
True, harlots or prostitutes do lurk about, but they represent an insignificant percentage of our nation's moral problem.
Most men caught up in moral indiscretion are not with prostitutes....nor are most women harlots, who are caught up in the web of immoral behavior.
The vast number of affairs, one night stands, and moral indiscretions are not planned with aforethought. Any more than David planned his affair with Bathsheba.
The sad truth is, little planning has been done beforehand to determine our personal behavior if we find ourselves either tempted morally or in the very clutches of indiscretion. Too few men and women are like Joseph.
Men today are often the aggressive party....pushed on by the media, told by modern Psychology there is no God...with little training from God's Word...they lurk about somewhat brazenly...
Add to the scenario, alcohol or chemical dependency, and you have a boisterous and rebellious personality.
#3. Today, most people do not look as though they are prepared for immoral involvement.
The woman in our passage dressed like a harlot...a cunning personality. Certainly, they still do on a professional level.
Most people who find themselves caught in the web of pre-marital or extramarital relations look a great deal like you and I.
Immoral indiscretions are taking place more in business offices, during lunch breaks, on business trips, in the homes of friends, than in the den of a harlot.
#4. Some things are still the same...
Immoral sexual activities take place on a far larger scale today than in the days of Solomon.
The flattery to the male ego is still the same, whether spoken, teased along, flirted with, or by body language.
Both male and female hear the other saying "you are special," "you are important," "I've been waiting all my life for someone like you," "My mate doesn't understand me like you do."
The lie is still the same although phrased differently with every generation..."Come on, let's take our fill of love until morning," (TLB)
Love is still confused with unbridled passion, and impure lust. The promise offered is "this will be great!"
The rationalization is still there...
My mate is gone and will be gone for some time. Or it is the whine that my mate doesn't understand me, my mate doesn't meet my needs....
With flattery, a few dinners, a couple of indiscreet hugs, the two follow the oxen to the slaughter house.
Eisenmen in his book, "Temptations men face" analyzes how this occurs not in the home of a harlot, but happens....
"Our two enemies here are rationalization and denial. We rationalize when we give acceptable reasons for unacceptable thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Denial is our often intense refusal to recognize the truth about our thoughts, feelings and behaviors...." One woman he was seeing in his practice said, "Isn't it wonderful that God has given me two handsome men to love." A man in counseling said, "It's okay, because each time we have sex we end up praying together." Rationalization working hand-in-hand with denial can alter our sense of reality and make us less and less able and willing to recognize that we are moving toward a fall."
Just like the young man lacking sense walking around the block before taking the fateful steps toward the house of the harlot.
Eisenmen details a 12 step process when working hand in hand with rationalization and denial will often find us involved in immoral conduct...
12 Steps to A Moral Fall
#1. Readiness
Something occurring in our life that has us leaning away from our marriage.
#2. Alertness
A growing awareness of a particular person in our web of relationships. We begin to think occasionally about this person. This person may appear in a dream. RATIONALIZATION: THERE IS NO HARM THINKING ABOUT THEM...IT'S ONLY HUMAN.
#3. Innocent Meetings
Chance meetings, business contact, almost always innocent, but begins to build a relationship. Flirtation, flattery, body language. RATIONALIZATION: WE HAVE NO REAL INTEREST IN EACH OTHER.
#4. Intentional Meetings
Meetings occur frequently. A relationship is being built. At this point a person enters a real danger zone...however, DENIAL USUALLY WINS AND THE MEETINGS GO ON!
#5. Public Lingering.
They now spend time together in group settings. Growing interest in each other. Even though in a group, they isolate. RATIONALIZATION: IT'S FINE TO FOCUS - NOTHING CAN HAPPEN WE'RE WITH OTHERS.
#6. Private Lingering
There is now a growing excitement about being together. They look forward to the next time they can talk, have lunch, etc. Conversation now shifts from ideas to feelings. Caring is shared. RATIONALIZATION: WE'RE IN PUBLIC - NOTHING CAN HAPPEN!
#7. Purposeful Isolating
Planning time alone for "legitimate" purposes. Staying late at the office to work on certain projects.
#8. Pleasurable Isolating
Now they plan times alone just to be alone. The meetings take on a youthful euphoria. They feel as though they are on an adventure. It's exciting, there is the holding of hands, a brief hug. RATIONALIZATION: ADULTS NEED GOOD FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
#9. Affectionate Embracing
Embracing without letting go. Increased touching...playful caressing.
#10. Passionate Embracing
RATIONALIZATION: MY MATE DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY ANY LONGER.
#11. Capitulation
They fall morally. There can now be no denial...for they cannot deny what has happened.
#12. Acceptance
They either go with the affair or end it....but they have to accept what they have done....and they may not know for years all that this indiscretion has cost.
The real world....
Dobson has said, "The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed."
In either premarital or extramarital sexual encounters, once the excitement wears off, one must face real life again.
Who will know, who will find out, what if they tell? What if my wife or husband finds out, what if my folks find out...what if she is pregnant?
The real world of indiscretion is not as exciting as we have been lead to believe.
If the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence, the best advice we can give you is you should try watering your own..."
If we do not, we will come to the painful realization that illicit sexual activity is like the circus...we begin to realize after the fall - all the flaws, the emptiness, the seedy side of it all....but at this point we will not be talking about a circus...we'll be talking aboutYOU!
III. Advice From the Kitchen Window...
As he follows her to the couch of slaughter, Solomon shares some good counsel with us about morality.
#1. Listen.....[24]
When people are deep into rationalization and denial...they do not and they will not listen. If they listen at all it is with a view to defend themselves.
Some of you today may have totally tuned this message out because...This couldn't happen to you...
Solomon wants us to"pay attention." This may never happen to you....but if it does, it leaves an irreversible scar on you. Listen
#2. When tempted....do not turn! [25]
It's as though Solomon suggests that we will all find ourselves faced with moral temptation. Tempted to stray.
Every video, every novel, every bill-board screams at us to stray. The promise is it cannot hurt. The rationalization is so overpowering...the flesh may even scream for satisfaction...
But don't listen to your heart - listen to verses 1-5 instead.
#3. The grass may seem greener on the other side of the fence, but it's green with poison! [26]
Our world says moral indiscretion will make you a winner....Solomon says it will make you a victim!
The world says premarital or extra-marital sex will lift us higher and higher and higher to new and vast rewards....Solomon from the kitchen window says all who dabble in this are cast down!
Notice the word "all." Those who have engaged in sexual misconduct are numerous...and all are slain.
Not that one is slain when there is a moral indiscretion...but something inside of a person dies!
True, that can be and is restored through Jesus Christ....however, there are some things that even our Lord cannot fix....
#4. Solomon's final word from the kitchen window [27]
"If you want to find the road to hell, look for her house." (TLB)
The guilt, the fear, the remorse, and perhaps the disease, and the devastation to those you really love will make like seem a little bit like hell!
IV. Personal Application
I imagine the most difficult part of bringing this message is that I am not convinced that God's Word is viewed as credible on the subject of morality - even among Christians.
Many are convinced God is old-fashioned when it comes to morality. His word is out-dated, it doesn't cut it in the 1990's. You would not verbalize this...but you feel this way.
Because every where we turn, whether we want to or not...and too often we want to...immoral conduct is rationalized....it is portrayed as the way of life. Seldom do we see the flip side of it.
This message will fall on some deaf ears....
Some of you might even feel a desire to debate this whole issue.
Some of you will fall morally! You may already have.
I suppose the second most difficult part of bringing a message like this is many of you parents will feel like it's been said now so we won't have to say anything more to our sons and daughters about it....
If we draw this extremely unadvisable conclusion, we will be raising our children to be "lacking in sense," and as unprepared as the young man in our story.
We will have to bear some of that responsibility.
How do I tell my children about this rather sensitive matter?
If you don't know, get some advice....
I suppose the third most difficult part of bringing a message like this is that those who have fallen morally may get the mistaken notion they are unforgivable.
Moral failure is neither final nor fatal....when the immoral heart returns to a loving Heavenly Father.
However, lest some of you see this as an opportunity to experiment morally...there are a few things even our Lord cannot restore.
Virginity. Transmitted disease. Pregnancy The effect on one's reputation The effect on one's parents, children, mate, and friends.
He can and will remove the stigma of guilt, shame, remorse, and of course the sin....
We can be clean again in His eyes. In fact, that is one of His specialties...
Maybe we should all go to the circus the next time it's in town...
For what was once so exciting, now we see through the eyes of an adult.
We will be called upon as a congregation sometime to help heal the wounds caused by immoral indiscretion...
Pray that you will not be a victim. Pray that God will prepare you to help the victims be able to return to victory in Christ.
Alan Walker is editor of The Preacher's Corner and Minister of Evangelism at the Mt. Vernon Church of Christ in Springfield, OR. He may be reached at adwalker@pond.net.