A Quick Overview of Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage among Christians – Part 3
By Dave Redick

In this lesson we finish the overview begun in the previous lessons. As clarified in the preceding two lessons, this is only a summary and therefore will not answer every question that could be posed.

Remarriage is allowed after the death of one’s spouse.

Romans 7:2-3
2 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. 3 So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man.

1 Corinthians 7:39
39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

In fact, in some instances, remarriage of younger widows is encouraged.

1 Timothy 5:14-15
14 Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach; 15 for some have already turned aside to follow Satan.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.

Clearly, remarriage was not only approved in the early church – in the cases immediately above, it was encouraged.

Note: It seems strange to me that a man who has remarried after his wife’s death would be barred from serving as an elder in the church as some believe in their teaching of 1 Timothy 3:2. That passage says, "An overseer, then, must be… the husband of one wife…." Some teach that a widower who remarries is forbidden to serve as an elder. Given the good light in which remarriage is encouraged by the teaching of the apostles, to forbid such a man from serving in this capacity in the church, if he meets all the other qualifications, seems strange to me, especially since a case can be made that polygamy was present in the earliest years of the church as a result of its practice among the Old Testament people. This is food for thought, but it goes beyond the scope of this lesson.

Matthew 5:31-32
31 And it was said, "Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce"; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

In this verse we see that generally, if a man divorces his wife for a cause other than unchastity (i.e. sexual unfaithfulness) and he or she marries again, adultery is committed.

Thus the idea so prevalent in our culture that we can divorce and remarry at will – or even in difficult circumstances that fall short of sexual unfaithfulness – is exposed as faulty.

Matthew 19:3-12
3 And some Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?" 8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." 11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

Jesus says essentially the same thing in this passage as He did in Matthew 5:32. According to verse 9 above, if a man divorces his wife for any cause other than sexual unfaithfulness, and marries another, he commits adultery. This seems rather obvious and beyond question.

We see also in this passage that God’s original intent was that there be no divorce. Verse 6 says, "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." If there were no divorce there would be no occasion for remarriage unless a spouse died.

Matthew 5:31-32
31 And it was said, "Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce"; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Reading verse 32 again, it seems reasonable that the exception clause, "except for the cause of unchastity" would apply both as an allowance for divorce and an exception to the rule that remarriage after divorce causes one to commit adultery. Thus, remarriage by the "non-adulterous" spouse would be permitted.

I see no such provision for guilt free remarriage in this passage for the spouse who was sexually unfaithful, however. Indeed, it states that remarriage in that case would be adulterous.

1 Corinthians 7:13-15
13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

In our lesson on divorce I made the case that "leaves" in verse 15 means "leaves by divorce" in the context. While this passage doesn’t mention remarriage per se, it does say that the deserted, divorced believer is "not under bondage in such cases." It is my understanding that this refers to the marriage bond. In Romans 7:2, the woman who is "bound by law to her husband" is "released" if he dies and is free to remarry, only in the Lord. The believer who is deserted and divorced by an unbelieving mate is likewise freed from the bond of marriage and so freed, should be allowed to remarry.

What if a person has divorced and remarried without biblical allowance one or more times before coming to Christ? If such a person is currently married, is their marriage adulterous? If they are currently single, are they free to remarry?

What if a Christian disobeys the Lord, disregards the discipline of the church, and divorces a mate against the teaching of the Scripture anyway (i.e. in a case where there has been no sexual unfaithfulness or desertion by an unbeliever.) If that person truly repents, is he or she free to remarry or would such a marriage be adulterous? Before answering that question, we should also consider this one: What if this person has been removed from the church by church discipline and goes away entirely, then ten years later expresses public repentance and wants to return with a new wife or husband and five children? Is the new marriage still adulterous? Should the church require that the new marriage be ended by divorce and the children be forced into a broken home situation? Should the church refuse to accept the repentant person? While answering these questions is difficult, we might note the absence of such practice in the New Testament. There are no examples.

On the very surface these questions testify to the fact that life gets very complicated when we disregard God’s commands and knowingly disobey. Indeed, there is a grave danger involved in any continued willful sin where the benefits of the sacrifice of Christ could be lost.

Hebrews 10:26-29
26 For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a certain terrifying expectation of judgment, and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much severer punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God, and has regarded as unclean the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has insulted the Spirit of grace?

Hebrews 3:12-13
12 Take care, brethren, lest there should be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart, in falling away from the living God. 13 But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

To be very frank, I do not have answers to all the questions above or the many possible variations of the same. There is confusion and disagreement among many sincere, reliable men of God in these areas. At the time of this writing I cannot bring myself to the conclusion that I should be the catalyst in breaking up yet another marriage because of the possibility that it could be adulterous – especially when innocent children are involved. I know there are those who make a strong case for doing just that, but I am not certain enough of my conclusions to go that far. While some conclude that any remarriage based on unbiblical grounds continues to be adulterous and the only way to stop it is to separate by divorce, I find cause to pull back from that conclusion. The marriage of David and Bathsheba was founded not only on a case of sexual unfaithfulness where both adulterous participants remarried, but it also involved murder and a one-year cover up. Yet when there was repentance, God allowed the marriage to stand. He even allowed the second-born son of this couple, Solomon, into the bloodline of Christ. On the other hand, while a thief can be forgiven for his sin, does he get to keep the loot? I am sure God has an answer to these questions, but I have found myself inadequate when it comes to understanding them.

For these reasons and perhaps a few more I have omitted due to a lack of time, I offer the following advice as one who loves God and deeply desires to do His will to those with a less than acceptable "past" who are either remarried or contemplating remarriage.

1. Due to the uncertainty of these things you should throw yourself upon the mercy of God and beg His forgiveness. Violating His covenant of marriage is no small matter and you need to understand here and now the seriousness of it.

2. If you have remarried you should vow to honor your present marriage with your whole heart, abandoning any thought of divorce in the future that does not fit within the allowances God has made. You should do all you can to see that your disobedience does not cause another to stumble.

3. You should commit to serving God with your whole heart. A person who is mindful of the nature of God’s great forgiveness is not a slacker or lukewarm Christian. Be ready to testify to the difficulties of setting aside God’s word to any you find who want to do so. Encourage those you meet along the way to be faithful to their marriage vows.

I realize that I have stopped short of answering every question that could be posed about remarriage. Perhaps in the future I will learn things from God’s word that make things more clear. Until then I promise to do my best to honor God’s will and God’s ways. I hope you will do the same.

Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.

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