"Someone needs to talk to him…"
	"If only I knew what to say…"
	"If just the right person would speak to him, I know he would respond favorably…"

Have you ever been in the position of needing to persuade someone to do something you knew was for their own good, but you weren’t sure how to approach them? Remember your anxieties?

	"What if I say the wrong thing?"
	"What if he misunderstands?"
	"What if he thinks I’m trying to condemn him or run him down."
	"What if this is the only chance I get?"

Did your fears keep you from making your appeal? Did you let the person continue on in his error, or problem, or sin, because you were afraid you might just make things worse? Are you settled with that?

Sometimes we find ourselves in the position of needing to make an appeal to someone - a plea for a change of behavior - and we are in a quandary, wondering how to go about it.

A Christian friend is involved in some questionable practices and you’re concerned. You don’t want to lose his friendship but you don’t want him to lose the Lord. What are you going to say and how will you say it?

A family member who used to be a Christian has drifted away. She is coming to visit for the weekend. You know you should raise the subject, but… what are you going to say? How should you deal with it?

Two good friends have a serious falling-out. They aren’t speaking to one another, but have been freely airing their mutual gripes to others. It’s time someone said something. You know it should be you. What are you going to say? How are you going to say it?

The best instruction manual in the world when it comes to interpersonal relationships is the Bible. Between the covers of this book from God is "everything pertaining to life and godliness." The topic I have raised is no exception.

We’re going to look at the New Testament book of Philemon in this message. It is one of the finest examples of making such an appeal that there is.

Philemon isn’t an instruction book, as such. Oh, I don’t mean it doesn’t have instruction. It’s just that you won’t find a list in it telling you all of the pros and cons of such persuasion in so many words. Philemon is an ideal appeal in action - a sort of on-the-scene, as-it-happens report. This appeal is made by mail. It is a letter in which the Apostle Paul pleads on behalf of a first century slave who has run away from his master. It is the case of a young man named Onesimus, who is the servant of a Christian man named Philemon. In a time when slavery was a part of the culture, the young man, Onesimus, ran away from his obligations. It has been suggested by some that he may have stolen money from his master as well, since it would take considerable funds to get him to his destination. He ran all the way from Colossae to Rome - over a thousand miles. Perhaps in Rome Onesimus was arrested and thrown into jail for some infraction - we don’t know, but there, in the providence of God, somehow, he met Paul, at that time a prisoner for the faith.

Not too many people got near the great Apostle to the Gentiles without hearing the gospel. This young fugitive was no exception. No details are given but somehow, God worked in the young man’s life and the runaway slave became a Christian.

Overjoyed in his new faith, he now realizes he must try as best he can to straighten out the mess he has made of his life. He knows that means going home and squaring things up with his master.

His time in Rome (we don’t know how long he was there) has been spent serving and learning from his new "father in the faith," Paul. Now the time has come to go back home and face the music. Can you imagine his fears?

	What will they do to me?
	What will I say?
	Now that I’ve found God, will this be the end?

Roman law gave great liberty for punishing runaways in that day. Very commonly, the punishment was harsh against the violator, so as to make others fear running away. Onesimus would be right in fearing the return home.

Then Paul says, "Onesimus, I think I can help. I know Philemon, your master. He has been my fellow worker in the gospel. He’s a good man. Let me write him a letter - an appeal for him to take you back. I think he just might listen to me.

Now, gather around with me if you will. We’ll look right over Paul’s shoulder as he writes this or dictates it to his personal secretary. As the ink flows onto the parchment, let’s watch an ideal appeal in action.

(Read Philemon)

If you were Philemon, would you be able to resist such a letter? I seriously doubt it.

Not all appeals will be shaped the same way as this letter. Some may contain more, some, less. Circumstances will differ. There are some universal principles though, in making such appeals. That is what we will consider. Let’s go back now and look at the elements of the letter and learn how we, too, can make such an appeal if and when it is needed.

First, in making an ideal appeal, we see from this letter that we must

I. Approach in Love.

Paul says in verse 9, "…for love's sake I rather appeal to you…"

The very foundation of all appeals to do right is genuine love. We must be truly concerned for the person receiving our appeal. If that person detects duplicity in our words or actions, present or past, he is likely to reject what we say.

Love is something that can be faked - for awhile.

1 Peter 1:22 says in the NIV, "…have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart."

The KJV says "unfeigned love" rather than "sincere love" in that passage. Unfeigned love is unfaked love. The word "feign" means, "to give a false appearance."

Nowhere will a phony be spotted sooner than when he begins to call on others to take godly action. That’s because all of us naturally examine the one calling our behavior into question. We don’t want someone telling us what to do who is guilty of the same thing!

If I stood up here and exhorted you not to commit adultery, yet you knew there were several affairs in my past, wouldn’t you find it hard to listen? Sure.

If I call on you to do the loving thing and yet you know that I have been unloving in many of my dealings, won’t you find it difficult to heed my words?

Perhaps that’s why Paul, when talking about restoring straying brethren, in the Galatian letter, said, "You who are spiritual restore such a one…"

A man sat down to supper with his family, saying grace, thanking God for the food, for the hands that prepared it, and for the source of all life. But during the meal he complained to his wife that the bread was stale, the coffee was bitter, and the cheese was too sharp. His young daughter questioned him, "Daddy, do you think God heard the grace today?"

He answered confidently, "Of course."

Then she asked, "And do you think God heard what you said about the coffee, the cheese, and the bread?" Not so confidently, he answered, "Why, yes, uh, God hears everything, sweetheart."

"Then which do you think God believed, Daddy?

When those who claim great love for others are unloving in their everyday deeds, there is no question what those around them believe.

In making your appeal, you must approach in genuine love.

Secondly, we should,

II. Appeal to the Best.

Paul says in verse 21, "Having confidence in your obedience, I write to you, since I know that you will do even more than what I say."

What a great and complimentary statement of Paul’s faith in Philemon! Didn’t he know that putting faith in people is risky business? Didn’t he know you should never trust anybody to do what is right? Didn’t he know he was setting himself up for disappointment? Apparently, he didn’t, because this isn’t the first time he expressed such confidence in others to do what was right.

I don’t suppose you could find a group of Christians more unreliable than those who made up the Corinthian church. Yet, listen to what he said to them in one of his appeals:

"…having confidence in you all, that my joy would be the joy of you all."

And again to the Corinthians: "I rejoice that in everything I have confidence in you."

Here’s what he said to the Galatians: "I have confidence in you in the Lord, that you will adopt no other view…"

To the Philippians: "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Again to the Thessalonians: "…we have confidence in the Lord concerning you, that you are doing and will continue to do what we command."

I was surprised at the number of times Paul said he had confidence in others and challenged them not to disappoint that great confidence. Expressing such confidence can motivate people to do things greater that they are presently doing.

I heard a story once about a banker who always tossed a coin in the cup of a legless beggar who sat on the street outside the bank. However, unlike most people, the banker would always insist on getting one of the pencils the man had beside him. "You are a merchant," the banker would say, "and I always expect to receive good value from merchants I do business with." One day the legless man was not on the sidewalk. Time passed and the banker forgot about him, until he walked into a public building and there in the concessions stand sat the former beggar. He was obviously the owner of his own small business now. "I have always hoped you might come by someday," the man said. "You are largely responsible for me being here. You kept telling me that I was a 'merchant'. I started thinking of myself that way, instead of a beggar receiving gifts. I started selling pencils - lots of them. You gave me self-respect, caused me to look at myself differently."

It can be very motivating when someone we respect puts their faith in us. Do you want to motivate your children to greater things? Let them know you have confidence in them. Do you need to make an appeal to someone else? Let the person you appeal to know you have faith in him to do the right thing.

Sure it’s risky. Sure, people can let you down. But you’re are here to advance the cause of Christ in others, not to find the safest place of retreat from the action.

Thirdly, the one making an appeal should,

III. Remember the Big Picture.

By "big picture" I mean God’s providence. Providence is God’s working all things out for good for those who love and serve Him. What I mean is this: When you step out and get involved in making an appeal about something you know is right, you can expect God’s providence to be at work. God is your divine partner, working your efforts into His plan.

Listen to Paul’s words in verse 15: "For perhaps he was for this reason parted from you for a while, that you should have him back forever."

Paul is contemplating a reason beyond the immediate, unpleasant circumstances - something in the mysterious plans and providence of the unseen Creator that allowed this bad situation to happen for a good cause. We should always be aware of that possibility. With God, very often He allows a "bad" thing to happen to bring about good. It allows Him to test his servants’ faith, build their trust in Him, and bless them, all in the same act.

Consider the dynamics. Onesimus has run away. He has cost Philemon time, money, and convenience. From his perspective, it seems all bad. Why should he just forget it and let Onesimus skate by? Paul’s answer: "It may have been the will of God so that you’d have this man back forever, as not just a slave, but as a Christian brother who will now be one of your best workers."

It reminds me of Mordecai’s words to Esther as she hesitated to risk her own life to save her people: "…who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?" In other words, "It may well be that this apparent mess you’re facing is what God has planned all along to use to do good. Don’t back away from it!"

I remember Joseph’s statement to his brothers regarding their mistreatment of him: "…you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive."

We seldom know the details of the mysterious turns of God’s providence. What we can know is that He is at work bringing good out of bad situations for His people. It is a strong motivation to do what is right even when it doesn’t seem the reasonable thing to do. It is good to bring it up in your appeal.

Finally, the one making an appeal should,

IV. Honor Free Will.

This one reminds me of the impatient gardener who goes out every day and pulls the little plant out of the ground to check its roots because it isn’t growing as fast as he wants. His forcefulness does more harm than good.

This one is difficult for some of us. We want so badly for the one to whom we’re appealing to make the right choice that sometimes, in our zeal, we force our way in and rip free will right out of the ground!

Verse 14 says, "…but without your consent I did not want to do anything, that your goodness should not be as it were by compulsion, but of your own free will."

A very common mistake of making an appeal is to get so heavy-handed we run over free will. You see, our job isn’t done when we’ve merely forced compliance. God is after more than forced obedience.

Again, the verse says, "… that your goodness should not be as it were by compulsion, but of your own free will."

We must remember in making our appeals that it is God’s interests we are appealing for, not our own. God want’s conformity of the heart in people.

David realized this in his great confession of Psalm 51 where he said, "For Thou dost not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; Thou art not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise."

Paul wrote to Timothy about the way things should be handled in the church. Among all the things he said should be happening, were these words about the purpose of all our teaching: "…the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."

He did not say "the goal of our instruction is to force everyone to conform to an outward standard." The one making an appeal must take aim at the heart. If this is to be done, a person must be given the freedom to choose what is right rather than be compelled.

That is why Paul chose not to invoke his authority as an Apostle, though he could have. Yes, there is a place for compulsion, but it should be the last thing we do, not the first.

When you make your appeal, honor free will.

Conclusion

Former Coach Tom Landry of the Dallas Cowboys once said, "My job is to make others do what they don't want to do in order that they can do what they've dreamed about doing all of their lives."

Coach Landry’s job description is not unlike the job of one making the kind of appeal we’ve been talking about. We are persuading a person to do what they may not want to do in order that they will be able to have what they really dream about.

It is a great challenge. Appeals need to be made. When you do, remember these guidelines from the book of Philemon:

	Approach in Love.
	Appeal to the Best.
	Remember the Big Picture.
	Honor Free Will.