Being Persuasive Without Being a Pest
Philemon Series: Part 1
Philemon 8-17
By Alan Walker

Paul's was putting his friendship on the line, asking a big favor, asking for Philemon to do what he felt was the right thing. To either release Onesimus, or to at the very least, not punish him when he returned. Onesimus was the one probably carrying this letter. I wonder if he felt a little like Uriah carrying David's letter back to the front lines.

They were artists - masters in their chosen profession.

But, if you want to know how to persuade people, how to make an appeal to them to do something right, then the artist is Paul, the aged apostle.

The book of Philemon is Paul's shortest letter. It's more like a postcard. Yet, who teaches us more about the art of persuasion than Paul in this personal note to his dear friend?

The tiny letter to Philemon is a masterpiece! A work of art. A postcard to be studied, and modeled as parents, spouses, elders, deacons, teachers, soul-winners, seek to influence others to make a decision.

You know as parents and grandparents, we want to persuade our kids and grandkids to live for Jesus. Its never to early to start, nor is it ever so late we ought to give up.

As spouses there are times when we feel a need to attempt to persuade our partner to consider something they may be doing that borders on being wrong, or in an area they are neglecting spiritually.

As for the elders in the Church, you men are in the persuasion business. These are your sheep, this is your flock.

As Teachers in Sunday School or Wednesday night or like sister Melanie, having the girls over to your home, you are a persuader for Jesus.

I would hope all of us are interested in leading others to Jesus - helping them to become acquainted with our wonderful God.

As Christians, with differing convictions, and occasionally, differing theology, we may struggle as to when and how to be persuaders - when to take someone aside and share with them the proverbial other side of the coin.

Some of you this morning were alive during the depression. You know what that word means. Those of my generation think depression is something best treated with anti-depressants. J

Some of you lived through the dust bowl. Many of us who are younger, have always believed the dust bowl was just another football game during the holidays like the Fiesta Bowl and the Rose Bowl.

Some of you were hearing some of the greatest preaching of our century when others of us were growing our hair long, wearing bell bottoms, and trying to figure which end of a guitar to play.

Some of you thought Woodstock was a cartoon your kids watched on television, others of us thought it to be the zenith of your lives.

It's almost like Godzilla and King Kong sitting down together to worship. Uneasy!

What are we supposed to do when we don't agree with the older folks or the younger folks or the middle aged folks? Recently, a congregation in our city split along generational lines. Family torn up. A Church ripped apart.

What about when their practices, which are not exactly unholy, seem to us to be on the borderline, or we at least have serious reservation?

Persuasion may be the answer. Appealing to them to consider what we have to say.

That's exactly what Paul does. His situation was unbelievably tense. The story started when a slave, a piece of property without any human rights, a man named Onesimus ran away from his master, Philemon. Gone! Possibly even stole some money from Philemon as he escaped.

Who should Onesimus run into during this detour in this life? Paul. The most amazing thing happens. Paul shares the gospel with Onesimus and Onesimus, becomes a Christian. He became in Paul's words, his son, (in the faith).

Now Paul has a problem. Philemon is one of his dearest friends. Onesimus is like a son. How can I appeal to my dear friend for my dear son, without offending and losing my pal?

With pen in hand, (he wrote it himself), like Picasso with a brush, or Michelangelo with a chisel, Paul, shows us how to be persuasive without becoming a pest.

I want to share with you 5 thoughts this morning I believe will prove helpful to you as parents, grandparents, employee's, employers, married folks, soul-winners, and concerned Christians.

About the ideal appeal:

It's hard to argue with the right attitude even when you don't agree.

Paul's was putting his friendship on the line, asking a big favor, asking for Philemon to do what he felt was the right thing. To either release Onesimus, or to at the very least, not punish him when he returned. Onesimus was the one probably carrying this letter. I wonder if he felt a little like Uriah carrying David's letter back to the front lines.

Philemon, I love you man! Not only do I love you, but I am coming to you on this issue in love, and I'm asking you in the name of love, to consider what I am about to ask.

Philemon, I could be bold and order you do comply, but I'm not going to. I come to you in love. You know my heart, dear friend.

It's not an accident Paul identifies himself in verse 9 as an old man.

The Apostle John as a young man, way back when Jesus was alive was one of the two who wanted to call down fire from heaven to consume the Samaritan village. Tradition tells us as an old man in his last years at Ephesus as they were about to carry him out of Church they would ask, "John, is there anything you want to say to us?" And he would raise his old gnarled hand and say, "My Little Children, Love one Another."

Perhaps Paul is saying that as a younger man he would have been bolder.

Perhaps he's saying, if there was a word directly from the Lord, I would be bold and order you to comply.

But, dear friend, we're older now, and I come in love for you and for my son.

The older I get, the less impressed I am with those who have to prove their authority simply by using it. It has finally dawned on me that true authority doesn't have to always remind others, it just is.

When your walking where angels dare not trod, it's always wise to walk in the footprints of love.

About an ideal appeal, secondly:

I wonder how Philemon would have accepted this letter from someone he didn't know. Folks, this is a complicated situation. While Paul feels strongly on this issue, it is not a biblical issue. There are no guidelines concerning slavery. They were property.

Paul knowing this, talks candidly with Philemon, because they had a relationship.

Listen to Paul...

Verse 17 - "So if you consider me a partner..."

Verse 13 – "I know you would be here if you could."

Verse 20 - Paul refers to him as his brother, a relationship term

Verse 19b - "not to mention that you owe me your very self..." Paul had lead him to Jesus.

They were dearest of friends.

The point I would make is it's difficult at best to persuade someone when they do not feel you have an investment in their lives. When they feel your only purpose is correction, or to put them down, or to be right and for them to be wrong.

We need to be builders of relationships. Build relationships with your children, your spouse, your fellow church members. Build relationships with your flock if you are an elder.

It's not impossible to persuade someone you don't know well in the "thus saith the Lord" passages. However, it is incredibly difficult to persuade them in area's that are opinion. Such as this matter Paul is addressing with Philemon.

Paul had the liberty, the freedom, the right of friendship to suggest a topic that could be sensitive. But long before the subject came up, a relationship had been carefully and lovingly built.

When you're walking where angels dare not trod, be sure you've invested in a relationship. Take time to develop one with them.

Thirdly, regarding the ideal appeal:

This is a tough one for those of us who tend to be strong willed. We would like to force people at times into our mold for them. We would enjoy having everyone conclude everything we have concluded about opinions and convictions. However, everyone has a free will. Don't you hate it! J

Paul, in his appeal, rather than being a pest, assures Philemon he knows the final call is his.

Did you know our free will even allows us to stand in opposition to God's divine will? That's right! We can say no to God! But, mark it down, not without consequences.

Brothers and sisters, we cannot force our Philemons to comply with our opinions. We are dealing with people with minds, who know how to think.

I suppose the most difficult area is in the process of salvation. When we are working with someone who doesn't know the Lord Jesus, and we really want them too. It's hard to sit back and let them take time to make a decision. We want that decision right now. We want them to accept the Lord today, this hour, this minute. If they hesitate, we feel obligated to begin to push a bit. The truth is, we can't force it. It has to be their decision or it's not a valid decision. It has to come from their heart, not ours. It has to be the surrender of their spirit, not our spirit.

As difficult as it is we have to make our case, and allow the spirit of God and the spirit of persuasion to run its course. Otherwise, we border on becoming a pest, rather than a persuader.

When we walk where angels do not trod, it's best to honor the free will.

Fourthly, regarding the ideal appeal:

If there is any doubt about Paul's wisdom, it certainly doesn't exist after we read verse 15. Paul, not only wanted his son Onesimus set free, but he could see just maybe there was more going on here than met the eye.

Philemon, maybe there is more to this than just a rebellious slave running away. Perhaps this was God's plan so he could come to know Jesus, and as he returns, he is yours in Christ forever.

God is involved in the life of His people. You need to know this morning God is involved in your life as well. He is working for good in our lives. God is constantly seeking to shape us into the image of His Son, Jesus. He has sent His Holy Spirit on a mission, much like a Secretary of State, to represent him, to call those who are not part of His citizenry into His kingdom.

God may not be in favor of every event under the sun, or of every choice we make. God can make the most of even our worst choice, to bring about his purpose.

Steve Holsinger told me once that he always stopped to help folks whose car was stalled. He would help push it, help them get it started, or get them some help. But he would almost always ask them if they believed in God, and if they believed that this might be more than an accidental meeting. Could it be that God designed this meeting for him to share with them Jesus? Wow!

When someone comes to us with a thought we may not be comfortable with, or we may not like too much, remember, its possible there just might be more going on here than we think. You don't have to change your mind, but it can't hurt to listen.

Finally, when making such an appeal, remember one more thing:

What a guy! What an attitude! What a belief in people. Look at verse 21 again. Paul knew Philemon would consider carefully his request.

There's a secret here we need to think about. When we believe we need to persuade someone, and we go into the conversation believing they are never going to change, we sometimes fulfill our own prophecy.

Yet, when we go into a conversation of persuasion with someone believing we have a sound case, a logical point of view, and they will change, we are thinking the best about the person. We are saying we believe them to be honest, sincere, and thoughtful.

They may not change on the spot, but they will mull it over and spend time with it.

When you're walking where angels dare not trod, it's good to think the best of people!

Every Sunday as I step into the pulpit, I attempt an appeal. I seek to persuade you, my friends and family to accept a truth, or to consider change in some area of your life. In some cases, I ask those of you who have not entered into a relationship with Jesus to do so. Sometimes, I suggest to you who love the Lord who really haven't ever heard about baptism, to conclude like we have, that baptism is an important part of the salvation process. Other times, I seek to persuade you to hear the Spirit's voice, or feel his nudge in your life, as He's calling you to repent, or recommit, or renew your walk with Jesus.

Occasionally, I come across as a pest I'm sure, but I seek to persuade men and women of God to act like men and women of God.

To do this I have come to conclude that I have to....

Approach you in love - you are God's chosen people!

Invoke personal relationships – we’ve had many years together.

Honor your choice, even if it's wrong J

Suggest the big picture – eternity.

Appeal to the best in people - I know you will do the right thing! You have always wanted to do the right thing. You are that kind of a congregation! I love you for it.

Does it always work? Not always – at least not immediately. Sometimes folks need to think it through for awhile. Sometimes for a few hours, others for weeks, some for literally years.

Did Philemon release Onesimus? We don't know for sure. There seems to be external evidence (Church History) that indicates he was released. But we have no internal (biblical) evidence he was set free.

Let me close with a brief thought from the movie, "Toy Story"

In the movie "Toy Story", Rex, the dinosaur was trying to scare Woody the cowboy by saying "Ahhhhhhh......."

Woody replied "Hi Rex."

"Were you scared?" said Rex

"I was almost scared that time." said Woody

Rex replied very upset, "I was trying for fearsome, but I think I just come off as annoying."

We can be persuasive or be a pest. We can make the ideal appeal or something less than we should.

I'm not suggesting we take a sermon like this and run out and confront everyone with every disagreement we have with them. I am suggesting though, that we enter loving relationships. That we honor and respect the free will of others. That we consider the big picture, and always try to see the best in folks.

Use these wisely. Use them prudently. Don't be a pest.

Copyright © 1997-2004, The Preacher's Corner. Reprinted here by permission of the author (and our good friend) Alan Walker for the benefit of our subscribers. Alan may be reached at: sermonzzzz@aol.com. This message may be used by subscribers of The Preacher's Study in their local work only. It may not be published on the Internet, in a book, or anyplace else beyond the local congregation without the expressed permission of the author. All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version.