"...when different generations clash over some issue, the younger person shows respect and honor in their disagreement and they work at not disdaining someone only because they have gray hair or because they move more slowly. In short, "putting old people in their place" means putting them in a place of honor and respect in our lives."

It seems to me that one of the things we joke about most often is aging. One popular way we do this is by comparing our lives to our children’s lives. We’ve all heard parents says things like, "Well, in my day we walked to school … uphill … both ways … in winter blizzards and in scorching summer heat." Or, "When I was a child, all twelve of us children in our family slept in the same bed … and we took turns using one pillow…." I heard an interesting variation on this theme when I was in Bible College. One professor used to tell us, fairly frequently, about his dedication to the ministry when he was our age. "When I was in Bible College," he would say, "I used to hitch-hike 100 miles, then walk another ten, just to preach in a little church every Sunday. That church was so small it had a negative number of people in it. In fact, I had to pay them to let me preach!" Well, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration…

We also deal with uneasiness about growing old with the ever-popular "you know you’re old if…" statements: You know you’re old if … most of your dreams are re-runs … your knees buckle but your belt won’t … you try to straighten the wrinkles in your socks and find you aren’t wearing any!" Humor is a useful when we approach subjects — like aging — that sometimes hit a little too close to home for our comfort.

The need to address this subject appears pretty self-evident to me. There seems to be a lot of "cross-generational strife" whenever older and younger people mix in close relationships. Take families, for example. As people age, most of them have as one of their highest goals: to live in their own homes for as long as possible. This is very understandable, but it is not always practical. Then, many times their children and grandchildren don’t appear to even try to look at the issue from their point of view. So, strife is the result.

In the business world, there are always "young Turks" who think they know what works in the modern world and who secretly (or maybe not so secretly) hope that their older co-workers will retire. The older people look at the younger with disdain, and maybe even a little bit of envy, since they know that they’ve forgotten more than some of these young punks will ever learn. It seems almost inevitable that there will be problems between the two age groups.

Of course, of all the places where this kind of self-centeredness and ageism should not show up, the Body of Christ — the church — is where it least belongs. However, it is a real problem and it does come up from time to time; so I want to address it and hopefully help us all begin to "think Christianly" about being brothers and sisters in Christ to people of all age groups.

The writer of Chronicles describes the death of King David at the very end of his book. He does so in a telling way that points us in the right direction when we talk about this subject. Listen to what he says …

(Read 1 Chronicles 29:26–28)

The first thing you’ll notice is that these words hardly do David’s life justice. Think about what we know of him. When we first meet him, he's just a boy, the youngest of eight sons, out tending father's sheep. At the age of eighteen he became an overnight success when he accomplished what no one else in King Saul’s army had the courage to attempt: he confronted and killed Goliath the giant Philistine. As a young adult he did what most men did back then: he got married, had children and then devoted himself to a career (the military). As he climbed the ladder he made the transition from the military to politics. And at around the age of 40, he reached the pinnacle of his career: he became king of the nation of Israel.

However, David didn't handle success as well as he might have. At one point, he had what is most likely the first documented mid-life crisis. You probably know the story. He saw a beautiful young woman named Bathsheba and pursued her. He then had an affair with her and she became pregnant. David had her husband killed, and then the bill for his foolish actions came due. That is his best-known failing, but he had other serious faults as well. He didn’t manage his family well; he wouldn’t rebuke his children when they needed guidance. All told, he was guilty of adultery, murder, of permitting injustices under his watch, and probably a whole host of other sins.

Yet, at the end of his life, the chronicler has only good words to say about him. He sums up his life by simply stating that David was king of Israel for many years, lived a long life with plenty of wealth and honor, and his son followed in his footsteps. That’s not a bad way to remember a man who was known to be a "man after God’s own heart," as well as a murdering adulterer. I want to suggest to you that we should take a clue from this about how we treat older people. David’s epitaph — if you want to call it that — is full of honor and respect. And I believe those two words — honor and respect — ought to describe how younger people treat those who are older than they are.

This doesn’t mean that we must acquiesce to older people over every little thing. In other words, they don’t get to win every argument just because they’re older; but it does mean that their life-experience and the wisdom they’ve gained over the years are respected and taken into account. It doesn’t mean their faults are overlooked, but that we remember they’ve almost certainly learned from their mistakes and are therefore wiser than we, having been at the process longer. It means that when different generations clash over some issue, the younger person shows respect and honor in their disagreement and they work at not disdaining someone only because they have gray hair or because they move more slowly.

In short, "putting old people in their place" means putting them in a place of honor and respect in our lives. Our culture worships youth, beauty, vitality, and vigor. All these are desirable, but the Bible reminds us that none of them will last and that we are to respect our elders. Age brings wisdom and people that have gone through all that life has thrown at them over the years deserve respect from those of us who haven’t been through all of these life experiences yet.

Now, lest you think that I’m just saying what some older people would want to hear, let me also say this: while younger people are supposed to respect their elders, you who are older also have some responsibilities in this area.

Ecclesiastes 11:8 says, "However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. But let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many." I think that Scripture captures the dilemma that exists for those of you who are old enough that you are having chronic, serious health problems, or are in pain or sick much of the time. These things are inevitable — they are part of the human condition — but we must be able to enjoy the life that we have now and not let the "days of darkness" (our troubles, our problems, etc.) overwhelm us. Those of you who are older need to try hard to enjoy this phase of your life as much as you can.

In the March 11, 2001, edition of the Christian Standard, Robert Chitwood has an article entitled "Seniors Should Be Defined By Their Opportunities." In this article, he says that there are two views of growing old in America. One view is that when you turn 65 you enter a "comprehensive entitlement program." Not only are you entitled to a Social Security check, but also to complain, be cranky and be overly critical of your children, your grandchildren and others. This view is espoused by small, but significant, number of seniors in America today.

The other group of seniors in America doesn’t subscribe to this view. They believe that seniors have a very important part to play in being positive role models and in teaching children and grandchildren how to take time for others, be generous givers, and help others win in life. They try to teach them to love people as they are — not as they would like them to be —and to enjoy life and trust God. The difference between these two groups is not health or age, but attitude. Let me put this very plainly: it would be a great help if those of you who are senior citizens would live in such a way that it would be easy for us to show you honor and respect. Sometimes you make it more difficult than it should be.

Let me give you an example. I have tremendous respect and love for my grandmother. She grew up during the Depression on a wheat farm in Eastern Washington, the oldest of five children of German immigrants. Her father expected her to be almost a "third parent" to her siblings. My mother once saw my grandmother get "chewed out" by her father when she was in her sixties because one of her brothers had made a bad life-decision.

She married fairly young, had one child, and ran the family home. She was widowed when my dad — her son — was in college. Up until that time, she had never held a job outside of the home, written a check, or driven a car. She learned to do all three and worked as many as four jobs for the next twenty or so years. Her only child died nine years ago at the age of 52. She’s 85 and lives alone in her own home. She is very frugal when it comes to spending money on her self or her own comfort; but she is generous to a fault with family and friends.

Let me tell you where I’m going with this. When my family gets together — at my mom’s house for a holiday, for example — my grandmother will sit in the hardest chair, or the chair where you have to crane your neck to talk to other people, whichever is appropriate for ruining the current activity. If we’re watching a movie on television, she will give up the "good seats" to sit where she has a hard time seeing the screen. We all try to leave a good, comfortable seat for her and direct her toward it, but she will go out of her way not to sit in it — even though there are plenty of good seats for everyone! We’ve said to her, "Grandma, why don’t you sit in the recliner. You look tired, you’ve come a long way today, and we’d like to see you relax a bit."

It’s like pulling teeth getting her to take it easy. Once my mother my mother said to her, "Esther, you’re the matriarch of the family. We wish you would let us treat you with the honor and respect due you!" Sometimes she makes it difficult — even downright impossible — to treat her the way she ought to be treated!

If you are a member of the age group we call "Senior Citizens," please realize that most of us younger people really do want to show you respect and honor. Let us do that; help us do that. We know you’re not helpless; we just think you deserve a break. We know you have opinions, but you’ll make it easier for us to respect them if you’re not always sharing them in a critical manner. We know you are quite competent and able to do all sorts of things and that you’ve accomplished quite a bit in life. However, we also know that not everything needs to be done your way. We’ll gladly ask for your advice … if we know that we’ll receive advice — and not a lecture — from you in return.

And if you believe that at some point we are not showing you the proper respect, please do not hesitate to simply say, "When you speak to me like that, I believe you do me wrong. I'm not a child, so please don’t treat me like one." Sometimes the most sensitive person can be a bit obtuse or insensitive. Let us know how you think we ought to treat you. Don’t use your age like a hammer, trying to bludgeon those younger than you into submission by reminding them of it. What you say may be true, but it won’t get you anywhere you want to go. If you’ve raised us right, we’ll know wisdom when we hear it from your lips at the appropriate time.

Proverbs 16:31 says, "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life." Those people who don’t have gray hair yet need to treat those who do with the proper respect, honor, and authority. But those who wear a crown of gray need to remember that they are still supposed to be good examples for others to follow. We look to you as role models, mentors, and friends. Let us honor you. Help us to honor you by living godly lives.

Close to the end of his earthly life, the Apostle Paul wrote these words: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day — and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." (2 Timothy 4:7, 8).

Getting old is not something that people generally look forward to. One birthday card had this inscription on it: "Some people think life gets better as we get older — of course these are the same people who believe that professional wrestling is real." Most don’t look forward to getting old. One time an older person caught me as they left the church building and said, "Don’t ever get old." I said, "I hear you, but what choice do I have?"

The truth is that none of us have any real choice in this matter — young or old, we’re all getting older and eventually we’ll die. There is no choice there; but we do have a choice in how we face it and in what happens to us after we die. How we finish this race we call "life" is much more important than how we began it.

One Sunday some time ago, I was talking to an elderly man in our church whose family has several commercial fishing boats. I said to him, "I don’t know if it’s possible, but sometime I’d sure like to see one of your fishing boats." He said, "There’s two of them in port right now. I can show them to you." So, the next day we went out to the port where two 125 foot boats were tied up to be worked on. And for the next couple of hours this gentleman showed me all sorts of stuff I’d never even imagined existed, much less understood.

At one point, as we were climbing over the bulkhead of one boat and into the other, the man, who lost his left hand in an accident many years ago, said to me, "Watch your step, there, Derek" and held out his hand to steady me. As he did this, I thought to myself, "Here’s fellow who is forty-five years older than I, with but one hand, and he’s worried about me slipping and falling. I hope that I’m doing half as well at his age!"

I do hope and pray that when I approach his age I’ll have just a portion of his energy and vigor. But whether I live to see 80 or die before my 53^rd birthday, as my dad did, I want to be able to echo Paul’s words, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race. I’m waiting for God’s reward and will gladly receive it."

When compared to eternity, our time here is but a fraction of a second; so it’s awfully silly for us to fight, argue and not get along over differences so trivial as the 30, 40, or 50 years that separate us.

Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.  

The author of this sermon, Derek Helt,  may be reached at: dphelt@actionnet.net

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