You don’t need to be very old to have experienced a time in your life when your tongue — your words, what you said — got you into trouble. What James warns us about is very applicable to all of us: not only is the tongue powerful, but it is also unstable. With your words, you can convince the love of your life to marry you, or you can drive your spouse of many years away by saying something unkind or hurtful. With your words, you can praise those around you, causing them to reach and accomplish things they would never have tried before; or, you can discourage them and cause them to do so much less than they are capable of.

Last month (January, 2003), actress Patricia Heaton — co-star of the popular television show Everybody Loves Raymond — was scheduled to introduce a retrospective video clip segment at the annual American Music Awards. However, as she was sitting in the audience waiting to go on, she found herself getting angry: everyone in attendance, as well as the national TV audience, was subjected to one lewd and crude innuendo after another. Through it all were 1970’s rock celebrity Ozzie Osbourne and his family, the emcees of the show, seemingly trying to see how often they could get "bleeped." Becoming disgusted, Heaton got up and left without making her scheduled presentation.

Afterwards, Heaton told the Cleveland Plain Dealer, "I’m no prude, but this was such a vulgar and disgusting show. What was passing for humor basically ranged from stupid to vulgar—and I just thought, ‘I’m not going to be part of this.’ So I walked out and said, ‘Get my car—I’m leaving.’" "I really didn’t know what I was getting into," Heaton added. "It felt like I was in the Roman Coliseum. As far as I’m concerned, it was an affront to anyone with a shred of dignity, self-respect and intelligence." Heaton says she is not expecting any repercussions from the decision. "And if there is," she said, "who cares?"

Now, contrast that incident with what happened on a Southwest Airlines flight a while back. You may or may not know that Southwest Airlines has no assigned seating aboard their planes; passengers merely choose their own seats as they board plane. On this particular flight, a few of the passengers apparently had a little bit of a difficult time settling on a seat, so the flight attendant got on the plane’s PA system and announced, "Eenie meenie, minie, mo; pick a seat, we gotta go."

Most of the passengers chuckled at the rhyme, but two sisters who were on the plane, who happened to also be black, felt that they were discriminated against because people thought they were too dumb to find a seat. Later, they decided to sue Southwest Airlines because "eenie meenie minie mo"—which now continues "catch a tiger by the toe" — originally used a racial slur in place of the reference to the tiger.

Of course, if the Southwest attendant had used a racial epithet, then these women would have reason to be upset— that kind of language is clearly unacceptable — but there is no evidence that she was doing anything other than being lighthearted. In fact, Southwest Airlines has a policy of cultivating humor as a trademark. An article in the Wall Street Journal on February 12, 2003 summed it up this way: "Southwest is in trouble over a children's rhyme. And it could cost them nine, ten, a big fat hen."

When I came across these two news items, I was struck by irony that comes to light when you compare them. In one instance we see people being rude, crude, and downright disgusting in front of the whole nation and only one celebrity out of the hundreds in attendance feels enough shame to do something about it. However, in another instance words are spoken in complete innocence, yet the speaker of those words is being branded a racist and the incident is deemed by judge to be worth going to court over.

The prophet Isaiah (5:20) describes what I believe is happening in our culture: "Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter." And the prophet Malachi said much same thing (2:17): "You have wearied the LORD with your words. ‘How have we wearied him?’ you ask. By saying, ‘All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them’…"

Our culture seems to have come to the place where the language we use — in public, in private, on the street, in the store, and over the public airwaves — is completely turned around and probably best described as completely "messed up." Many of the things people say that others are offended by are patently ridiculous — like getting upset over simple rhyme used in jest — but many things that people don’t find the least bit offensive would’ve been unspeakably scandalous to say or do even just a few years ago.

Psychologists talk about phenomenon they call "habituation." It’s a good word for us to add to our vocabularies. Habituation. It describes the process of becoming used to something that you initially find unpleasant or even intolerable. If you live in a residential area and your neighbor buys an old, rusted-out car and then puts it up on blocks in the street in front of his house, you’re going to look at it and think, "Well, that sure is an eyesore." Maybe you’ll try to do something to encourage him to move it. But, if it is still there after a few weeks, you will not notice it every day when you leave home or return from going out. Then, a year later, someone will be visiting you and say, "Boy, that sure is an ugly old car your neighbor has!" And you’ll say, "Well, I guess so, but I don’t notice it anymore." At that point, you’re habituated to it — what was once offensive now seems like it’s just part of scenery. You’re in the habit of seeing it there in front of his house.

I believe we have become "habituated" to the crudity, vulgarity and general misuse of language in nearly every part of our society.

Back in 1972, comedian George Carlin was arrested for saying "The Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV." Today, those words are used liberally on the premium cable channels and the networks seem to be trying to play catch-up by slipping more of them into their shows every season. In fact, whenever a show is billed as being "edgy" or "pushing the envelope," you can bet that means it contains more bad language, depicts more immoral behavior, and shows more skin, than nearly every show that has come before it.

And it’s not just TV shows and movies that are constantly assaulting us with profanity, vulgarity and political correctness in place of truth; this garbage saturates almost every facet of our society. It’s true that bad language has always been around, but it used be confined, largely, to locker rooms, pool halls, and other men-only environments. People used to watch their language around women and children, yet now people of all ages — both men and women — swear with no social inhibitions. And frequently, women and children are the worst offenders.

The last couple of years, our family has gone to the high school football games in the Fall and I’ve noticed that when we walk by groups of students standing around talking, not only is their language often very vulgar in content, but it seems that they swear, curse and use foul language without any fear of offending someone who might overhear. I’m not going lie and tell you that as a young person, my language always exemplified holiness and virtue — indeed, I’m not proud of a lot of things I said and did as a young person. However, even twenty years ago we knew that if an adult — any adult — got within earshot, we’d better tone down the volume, the content, or both. We could be pretty bad at times, but even the worst among us knew that what were doing was wrong, or at the very least unacceptable to the majority of people who might hear us. However, many people of all ages nowadays seem to have lost any sense of shame in regards to the language they use.

Plus, it’s not just the foulness of the language that bothers me — we also seem to have lost any sense of proportion and realism in the way we describe things, situations and people. If I hear one more person on TV say "literally" when they obviously mean "figuratively," I think I’m going to scream! I heard a guy a while back talking about people who suffer from extreme phobias. He said, "These people are literally fighting lions every day." No they’re not! That’s just not true! They might be figuratively fighting lions — it might seem as if they are fighting lions in their battle with their phobias — but not literally. But rather than being careful and precise, and since we want to make our point emphatically, dramatically; we use the strongest, most-powerful words we know. We don’t start at 30% and work up to 100%. No, we start at 100% — full tilt — and there is no perspective in our language. And of the result is that we cannot take each other seriously.

Such is the state of our world. And while it may feel good to vent and gripe about it from time to time, we’re called to do more than merely point out sin — we’re called to counteract it. Paul wrote, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." So we must ask ourselves, "What should a Christian’s response be to the misuse of words? I know that people are using bad words, or using good ones inappropriately, but what can I, what should I, do in response, in regards to my words & speech?"

James wrote a very practical, down-to-earth letter to the early Christians. In the third chapter, verses, 2–12, he says this about the Christian’s speech, or the tongue as he refers to it. Listen …

(Read James 3:2–12)

Basically, James says two things here about the tongue, our primary speech organ. First, he says it is inordinately powerful, especially in light of its relatively size and lack of brute strength. James compares the tongue to a bit in a horse’s mouth, which is used to direct the animal. He also says the tongue is like the rudder of a ship, which is also disproportionately small for what it accomplishes. James further tells us that the tongue is like the spark that comes at just the wrong place and time so it starts a fire that burns down an entire forest or town.

Secondly, James reminds us that the tongue is unstable. It’s just as liable to get us into trouble and be an agent of sin as it is to be a means by which we do God’s will. "All kinds of animals, who lack the ability speak, have been tamed, but no person has ever completely tamed their tongue. With our tongues, we can praise God, but we can also curse and hurt people, who are created in God’s image." James says, "You don’t get salt water and fresh water from the same source, but you’ll get good speech as well as evil, hateful words from same mouth." The tongue is an unstable source of great power. Don’t trust it.

A man was working in the produce department of a grocery store and a lady asked him if she could buy half a head of lettuce. He replied, "Half a head? Are you serious? God grows these in whole heads & that’s how we sell them!" "You mean," she persisted, "that after all the years I’ve shopped here, you won’t sell me half-a-head of lettuce?" "Look," he said, "If you like I’ll ask the manager." She said she would like him to ask, so the young man marched to the front of store and found the manager. "You won’t believe this," he said, "but some idiot of a lady back there wants to know if she can buy half-a-head of lettuce." He noticed the manager gesturing and turned around to see the lady standing behind him, obviously having followed him to the front of the store. Without missing a beat, he gestured and said, "And this nice lady here was wondering if she could buy the other half."

Later in the day the manager cornered the young man. "That was the finest example of thinking on your feet I’ve ever seen! Where did you learn that?" The young man began to explain: "I grew up in Grand Rapids, and if you know anything about Grand Rapids, you know that it’s known for its great hockey teams and its ugly women." The manager’s face flushed and he interrupted the man’s explanation: "My wife is from Grand Rapids!" Again, without missing a beat, the young man replied, "And which hockey team did she play for?"

You don’t need to be very old to have experienced a time in your life when your tongue — your words, what you said — got you into trouble. What James warns us about is very applicable to all of us: not only is the tongue powerful, but it is also unstable. With your words, you can convince the love of your life to marry you, or you can drive your spouse of many years away by saying something unkind or hurtful. With your words, you can praise those around you, causing them to reach and accomplish things they would never have tried before; or, you can discourage them and cause them to do so much less than they are capable of.

As children, we recite: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." But the truth is that on a very real level that adage is just not true. Broken bones almost always heal, but I’ve known many people who suffered for years because of something hurtful that was said to them, or even because of what they said to someone else. Every time we open our mouths, we have a choice: we can build up, or tear down; we can encourage those around us to do good, or trigger a bad response in people; we can say something that glorifies God, or utter words that betray our stated allegiance to Him.

James’ warnings regarding the use of our tongues is there for us to keep in mind, but let me also give you three simple, quick guidelines for speaking that will help you, if you’ll practice them, to be a part of the solution, and not part of problem, in this area.

First: Speak plainly. Psalm 34:13 gives us this very simple advice: "Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies." Godly people need to have a reputation for simply saying what they are going to do, and then doing it. We shouldn’t couch what we say in language that makes it easy to back out of a commitment, nor leave ourselves "wiggle room" that lets us weasel out of the consequences of the words we utter.

In Matthew, chapter 5, Jesus is speaking to people about the tendency of the "religious" and "devout" people of that day to parse everything they said. When you were kid, did you ever make a promise on the playground, but then later claim you were released from that promise because had "fingers crossed" behind your back? The self-proclaimed "godly people" of Jesus’ day were like that. They had rules about which promises they needed to keep and which ones they could break. Imagine a conversation: "I’m sorry, but I cannot pay the price we agreed upon for your grain." "What? But you gave me your word!" "Yes, I swore by the Temple, but that’s not binding. If I had sworn by the gold of the Temple, then I would be bound before God to honor our agreement."

That was the kind of stuff they went through — it was not all that far removed from our culture today where people enter into contracts after having lawyers vet them and then later go back to those lawyers to have them find ways they can get out of their contracts. But Jesus said of that kind of behavior, "Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one" (Matt. 5:37).

It’s not likely that our society will decide to reform in this area, but you know what? We can be people who speak plainly and then simply do what we said we would do. If your spouse asks you to do something around the house and you say, "Okay, I’ll take care of it," then do it. Don’t wait until it’s too late and say, "I never said when I would do it." Don’t argue over what words mean — everybody here knows what "is" means, even if we cannot give a dictionary definition.

If you commit to doing something, then follow through. Then, if, because of unforeseen circumstances, you cannot fulfill you commitment, talk to the person and simply say, "I’m sorry, but this is what happened and I just can’t do what I said I would." Don’t make excuses, or make up a lie, just tell the truth. It may make you look bad for a time, but that’s a whole lot better than being found out in lie or being known as the person who never does what he said he would do.

And maybe a few incidents like that will make you think twice before over-committing yourself next time something like that comes up. If someone asks you to do something for them, give it the appropriate consideration and then be straight with them. "Sure I can help you." "No, I’m sorry, I can’t" Or even "I could help, but I don’t feel comfortable, and here’s why …" Much of time, we don’t like to be direct and really tell people about our misgivings, but as uncomfortable as that can be, it is the best way go in the long run. Let your yes mean yes and your no, no. Let’s speak plainly and directly to people.

Next: Speak boldly. Ecclesiastes 12:11 says, "The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one Shepherd." I talked earlier about how many people seem to swear and curse indiscriminately — it doesn’t matter if a small child is walking by with her great-grandmother, they will still let loose with a blue streak. Sometimes it seems like that type of thing does not offend most people. However, I don’t believe that’s the case; I think most people who don't like hearing foul language are usually just too sensitive to say anything. We don’t go around casually imposing our will on others, but we do end up having others impose their wills on us. If people want talk that way, it’s a free country and the can find somewhere to do so, but there is no good reason why we should have to put up with it.

Christian recording artist Randy Stonehill had a song called "Angry Young Men" in which he sang the line, "Rest assured that when Jesus comes again/He'll be looking for some angry young men." I think we need more angry young men, angry older men, even angry women and children of all ages to be "goads" to encourage people to behave better in public. I mean, we’ll have a hissy-fit if someone cuts in front of us in line at the grocery store, or if we can smell cigarette smoke in a restaurant; so maybe we need to be willing to politely, but firmly, ask people to "watch their language" when they’re speaking inappropriately in mixed company. I mean, if two people can sue over a modified children’s rhyme, why can’t we simply say, "Excuse me, sir, but I’d appreciate it if you would not use that kind of language around my children"?

Lastly: Don't forget to temper the truth we speak with both love and grace. Sometimes people say terribly hurtful things to or about others and when they are called on it, they say, "Well, it was only the truth." Someone brought this type of scenario up to Anne Landers once and she replied that truthfulness and frankness were not necessarily the same thing. We are always supposed to be truthful, but we should not be completely frank all time and blurt out all truth that we know.

The Bible tells us, in Ephesians 4:15 to "speak the truth in love." And Paul further urged in Colossians 4:6, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

A person can go around spouting all sorts of things that they believe are true: "That outfit is hideous! The light off your forehead is very bright! That food you made was barely edible. That sermon was a stinker." However, much of what we call "truth" is nothing more than opinion dressed up in pious garb. And even if it is true, that does not mean that we need to say it, or that it needs to be said at this time.

Pianist Arthur Rubenstein, fluent in eight languages, once told this story on himself: Some years ago he was assailed by a stubborn case of hoarseness. The newspapers were full of reports about smoking and cancer; so he decided to consult a throat specialist. "I searched his face for a clue during the 30-minute examination," Rubenstein said, "but it was expressionless. He told me to come back the next day. I went home full of fears, and I didn’t sleep that night." The next day there was another long examination and again an ominous silence. "Tell me," the pianist exclaimed. "I can stand the truth. I’ve lived a full, rich life. What’s wrong with me?"

The physician looked at him and said, simply, "You talk too much."

You know, we need to temper the truth we speak with grace and love. And sometimes, the best way to do that is to simply be quiet.

Our world is sold-out to sin. We must never forget that. One of the ways this plays out is in the way the world uses language. We, as Christians, are called to counteract that worldly sinfulness. In our effort to do so, let us realize the power and danger in failing to control what we say, and then let us speak plainly, boldly, and temper the truth with love and grace.

Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.

 

The author of this sermon, Derek Helt,  may be reached at: derek-nfcc@charter.net

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